random thoughts – Day 1,242 – (Friday) – life changes

Winston came to live with Moose and me in January 2012. Moose had been moping around, and I  thought he was lonely. I imagined that having another dog around would provide him with a best buddy and they would run and play together and cuddle on the couch in a puppy puddle.

Winston.

Reality was a bit different. Instead of becoming best buddy doggy brothers, they seemed more like frenemies who tolerated each other. Any cuddling happened when they were fighting for my lap, and if they accidentally touched each other there were clear displays of dissatisfaction. After Moose crossed the Rainbow Bridge in August 2021, there was no longer any canine interest in cuddling with me. Life is cruel.  

Over the past two years, Win and I continued our life together. Much of the minutia of daily life continued as before – bedtime, getting up time, dinner time, all mostly the same. Some things were noticeably different. I felt sadder. Winston was much quieter, no longer barking at noise from the street, knocks on the door, or much of anything. There was a Moose-shaped hole in life and a bit more room on the bed, and we powered on. 

Win and I adapted to the cataracts and blindness that developed after his diabetes diagnosis. I stayed alert for more problems with his back legs. Chopped grocery store roasted chicken, added to meals in Moose’s final months, continued and the grocery shopping schedule continued to be dictated by the need for weekly chicken. Win was my good morning and my good night.

Most recently, Win had been slowing down. The stairs were more difficult, and he had trouble getting out of his bed. For three or four weeks, he’s been walking in circles – able to walk a straight line for only three or four steps before beginning to circle clockwise, around and around.

For a week since calling the vet, I’ve been keeping a sharper eye on Winston and preparing myself for the worst. This morning, the worst happened and it was Winston’s turn to cross the Rainbow Bridge. And just like that, the Moose shaped hole is now paired with the Winston shaped hole. In my imagination, Moose met him there, they did their usual low-level growl at each other, and trotted off to new adventures. 

As for me, my next adventure will be muddling through. It’s been nearly 14 years of having constant canine companionship, first with one dog, then two, then one again. And now there are none, and it might take time to adjust to the change. Who will I talk to? Several times, as the afternoon grew late, I checked the clock to see if it was time to start Winston's dinner, one of the drivers of daily life for ages.