random thoughts – Day 2,191 (Tuesday) – mysteries

The rain of Monday night arrived with a vengeance, accompanied by some super-duper crazy wind. The wind howled and the rain battered the house from all directions. At 1:00 a.m., I was still awake, partly due to the noisy weather and partly because I was racing to finish reading a book. There was a loud and heavy noise outside. And again. It seemed like something had crashed into the house.

I got out of bed and lowered the living room shade cautiously, not sure what to expect, but mentally assessing where the home insurance paperwork is located. The wind had thrown open the full glass panel storm door and was bashing it into the metal railing on the front landing. Luckily, the door didn’t seem damaged and I wrestled it closed and locked it. 

Mysterious cracks? Tunnels?

This morning, I scanned the yard with the aid of daylight. There were pieces of broken plastic skirting in the yard, but that was the only evidence of the storm visible from the window. The snow has melted away and there are strange, curving crack-like marks visible in the side yard and behind the house. It looks like earthly varicose veins or a tunnel network just below and along the surface of the yard. Weird.

Once dressed, I went outside and walked around the house to check things out. There were two pieces of broken skirting on the front lawn and another wedged in the rhododendron. The skirting didn’t come off my house, so it's a mystery whose house it blew in from.

Some house is missing some parts.

The dryer has been not doing its job very well lately, and I checked out the vent at the back of the house. Someone on Facebook mentioned recently that their dryer vent had been plugged up due to the height of the snow. I think the same thing happened to mine because 1) the snow was very high against the back of the house, especially after the roof was cleared off; 2) the dryer vent cap is not very high off the ground; and 3) the vent opening is currently packed with soggy lint pressing against the screen. 

Of course, it isn’t as simple as taking the screen off and pulling out the lint. The latches are broken and the screen has been securely wired onto the vent outlet at four points with what is now some crusty wire. It might be wise for me to visit the hardware store armed with a photo of the existing vent and get a whole new exterior piece before I start monkeying around with it.

Dance class tonight had mysteries and surprises. Usually when we arrive at the rental space, there are a few tables and a varying number of chairs (from a couple to a lot) to be moved out of the way so we can dance. Tonight, there were six tables arranged in the center of the floor and set with chairs. A series of ropes above the floor held crepe paper that had been draped in twisted around the ropes and hung low enough that our tallest dancers hit it when our arms were extended.

Festive!

Additional festive ambiance was provided by plastic panels printed with flamingos and palm trees that were attached to some divider panels with push pins. It was all very neat, like someone went to some effort to set up for an event and someone is going to be surprised the next time they visit the room because we had to move all the tables and chairs out of the way because there was no possible way to dance around it. There may have been a communication gap concerning the precious nugget of info that we rent the space every Tuesday night. Oopsie. At least the furniture moving was an extra workout.

random thoughts – Day 2,190 (Monday) – napping

It’s mid-March and time for my annual pre-spring blahs and energy dip. This is a period of weeks where I feel extra chilly and wander around my house in a coat, even though the temperature setting for the heating system is exactly as it has been for about four months. And also, I’m tired. It started about a week ago. Hooray.

Leftovers.

Today, after being out in the world for a few hours at a fabric store, a dance supply shop, and an Indian restaurant for lunch, I arrived home and despite intentions to do something productive, I crashed on the couch. I was chilly so my jacket stayed on and a blanket was added while episodes of Suburgatory streamed on Netflix. 

There was an early supper of leftover basmati rice and Vegetable Vindaloo from the lunch restaurant. It had been years since last having Indian food and I couldn't even remember what I like, so conservatively ordered the spice level at medium. I should have gone full spicy. Next time I will know better.

Eventually, a lovely nap on the couch crept in. I don’t know how long the nap was, but it was solidly refreshing. I awoke to full darkness outside and the comforting sound of a heavy downpour on the roof. The light on the automatic timer was on, which tipped me off that it was at least 6:30. The clock in the kitchen read 7:30. Thank goodness there were no commitments tonight.

random thoughts – Day 2,189 (Sunday) – practical worry

Elevator gap - source
of anxiety.

For nine years working at the bank, I worked on an upper-level floor. The first office  location for my team was on the second floor, then a couple years later we moved to the fourth floor of a different building across the parking lot. Sometimes I took the stairs to and from the office, but more often, I took the elevator. Every time I took an elevator in one of our several campus buildings and especially when leaving the fourth-floor office space at the end of the day, I felt a twinge of panic. It wasn’t a fear that the elevator would careen out of control and crash in the basement level like in an action movie. It was something more realistic.

My ongoing and regular fear was that I would drop my keys and they would fall into the door gap between the elevator box and the outer area and plummet to the basement, rendering me unable to start my car and drive to the home I would not be able to enter. 

I have a tendency to invest my worry efforts in things that have a chance of actually happening, so it’s much more likely I will lose sleep with worry of dropping my keys in an elevator gap than of me being swept away in a tornado.

House gap - new
source of worry.

This morning, while preparing for departure for dance class and locking the back door to the house, I dropped my keys. They bounced on the concrete landing outside the door and landed near the edge of the top step. While retrieving them, I noticed the gap between the concrete staircase and the skirting wall that encloses the crawlspace under the house. It’s not a wide gap, but it's probably wide enough and the skirting material is flexible. The gap, plus the flexible material might be sufficient for my keys to fall into and would probably be difficult to extract, especially when I'm using the spare ring with just the house and mailbox key. 

And just like that, I have a fresh new thing that could actually happen to worry about on a regular and ongoing basis. Oh, joy.

random thoughts – Day 2,188 (Saturday) – corned beef and devil dogs

The weather mood swings continue. There was fresh snow on the lawn and the bushes this morning when I hauled myself out of bed. During the course of the morning, it was cloudy, it snowed again at varying intensities, and it rained frozen ice pellets. Then the sun came out.

Irish at the British.

There was a plan to meet my sister and her husband, and Mom and StepDad at the British American Club for their annual corned beef and cabbage Irish dinner. The food was good, the tables were decorated with little pots of fake clover and green and white carnations, and at times the music was just too loud to talk, but then the volume was adjusted and it was good.

It was an afternoon at a table with family and friends talking about a variety of topics including scammers and fraud protection, crazy stories from my sister's job at a credit union, and electric utility costs. The elders left before we got to the good stuff  like stalkers, stupid songs we had to sing in elementary school (“Get Along Home Cindy, Cindy, I’ll marry you some day” still randomly invades my brain and hangs out for too long), updates on pets, and hated adult chores like grocery shopping and daily cooking. We laughed over our childhood family car trips from Massachusetts to Fort Worth, Texas and Lantana, Florida in the summer heat with no A/C. We tallied up who fainted at which vacation spot (Sis was Disney World, I was Six Flags over Texas and West Point). The usual. It was fun.

On the way home, I stopped at Dollar General. There was no particular reason other than when I am near the place I go in. Then, while walking around it seemed I should have a reason to be there. After roaming the entire store, I ended up buying a new hand soap for the kitchen and Devil Dogs that were on special two boxes for $5. I was more of a Ring Ding fan as a kid and my brother liked Devil Dogs. I thought about him when I bought them. Really, I bought them because of him. It will be five years this summer since he removed himself from this world and some days the hole feels bigger than other days. Today, I tried to feed the hole in my heart with a mass-produced snack my brother liked. 

Devil Dogs.

The “Mochaccino” Devil Dog flavor is an update for the modern palate and it’s pretty good. I still think Ring Dings are better conceptually because they are covered in chocolate, but now that Ring Dings aren’t wrapped in foil anymore, they have lost a bit of their flavor edge. Maybe tomorrow I’ll dip some Devil Dogs in chocolate and see how those are. It would involve chocolate, so it won't be awful.

random thoughts – Day 2,187 (Friday) – ruins

Roman ruins, March 2023.

Three years ago on this date (March 13), four friends and I were in Rome. Usually, we traveled together to resort hotels on beaches with buffets, restaurants, beverage plans, and waiters who delivered to the chaise lounges on the beach. In Rome, we stayed in a lovely hotel located a short walk from Trevi Fountain. The Coliseum was down the street. Ruins were everywhere, nestled between buildings. 

We walked for hours every day, exploring the city’s ruins, museums, churches, cafes, and restaurants. We took day trips to Pompeii and Tivoli and learned that hotel-booked tours pick you up at your hotel and bring you to the site, but they don’t necessarily bring you back where they picked you up (or at all). We drank coffee, Aperol Spritzes, and lovely wines and ate pizza, fresh pasta, pastries and gelato. There were grotto restaurants and sidewalk cafes. The hotel breakfast area had a view of the nearby rooftops. It was wonderful.

What a difference three years makes. Back then, I had a decent amount of vacation time and a decent salary that led me to the strategic decision to to endure a dead-end job for several more years because retirement age was creeping closer and starting over somewhere else would likely mean less vacation time. Then, last year, the merger swooped in and snatched away the job I was willing to tolerate. And nine months after the layoff, I’m still trying to start over and find another job in a market crowded with new graduates and hundreds of other experienced, laid off professionals. Advertised roles with my former job title include the responsibilities handled by three or four people on my old team and pay half the salary. Breaking into a new area seems even more impossible.

At Trevi Fountain, March 2023.

The stress of the past year has loomed large and overshadowed any fun stuff. Luckily, I have photos to prove to myself I used to be a visible, productive member of society who sometimes traveled instead of the feral remnant of that person who now looks for a job, tries to not spend money, and sometimes gets stuck dwelling on the ruins of a former life. 

Maybe I need to return to Trevi Fountain and make a better wish. I’m pretty sure in 2023 I wished for dumb shit like romance and happiness (and that hasn't worked out), but maybe I should have wished for financial stability and a job that lasted until full retirement age. Live and learn.

random thoughts – Day 2,186 (Thursday) – progress

Receding snowline.

It wasn’t as warm today as recent days, but it was still above freezing and the snow continued to melt. Behind my house, the snow on the small hill is receding like a middle-aged hairline and is free of snow at the top. 

Even with all the snowfall this year, it looks like it will be drought conditions again this spring/summer. I read an article recently that said the groundwater table is reported to still be low and it has to do with the speed of the snow melting and running off the ground instead of melting into the ground. Or something like that. I'm not exactly a scientist or an environmentalist and sometimes I half-read articles and learn just enough to be dangerous. I guess I won't be launching my home car wash or laundry service this year, either. Phew.

I managed to miss out on engaging with nature during the past two warm, springlike days. I was shopping and lunching one day, and stress sweating in a dentist chair for a chunk of the next day. Today, in weather that was 30 degrees cooler than a few days ago, I walked to get the mail. It’s the second time I have walked to the mailbox since last fall (but who is counting?). 

The snowbanks have melted back, the street is its full width again, and it wasn’t wet or windy or sub-zero temperatures, so I laced up my sneakers, put on a coat, hat, and gloves, and walked. My neck was cold because I recklessly thought I wouldn’t need a scarf, and that made me walk quickly so I could get back to the warmth of the house.

The only mail today was the replacement sunglass clip ordered from the company I bought glasses from a few years ago. I lost the original sunglass clip a year ago, and despite my fantasies of finding it under the seat in my car or in a tote bag or a coat pocket, it hasn’t turned up. Every sunny day I would mourn the loss of the clip on shades and I finally caved and ordered a new one. This means I'll probably find the old one any second now.

Working on the 4" x 4" canvas.

And after a month of overthinking, procrastinating, and searching through images, yesterday I finally started my 4” by 4” canvas for the art auction at The Brush Gallery in a couple weeks. The outside edges of the canvas were painted black. Today, the final selection of the photo for the front was made. Even though the photo had originally been printed at the correct size, it was a smidge longer on one edge and required trimming of about 1/32 of an inch which I labored over for far too long.  Apparently, I like to torture myself with such details and knew I wouldn't sleep for a week if I didn't trim it. Now it just needs three or four coats of Mod Podge to seal it all and I can deliver it next week.

random thoughts – Day 2,185 (Wednesday) – teeth and mood

After waking up with some coffee and Wordle, at 10:00 this morning I called the dentist. The temporary crown that broke off Tuesday night while eating cheese had not miraculously regenerated overnight to be whole again. The best case scenario I hoped for was that the permanent crown, ordered last week and scheduled for delivery next week, had already come in from the lab. The December crown had arrived from the lab in a week, so I knew it wasn’t totally unreasonable.

Luck was with me, the crown was in, and I was booked for a 12:00 appointment. Sometimes when things in my world go sideways, they at least have the decency to have favorable timing. At departure time, a paperback book went into my bag in case there was a wait, and I hit the road.

I was barely one page into my book when the dental assistant called my name. There were x-rays, poking, prodding, and the removal of the remainder of the temporary crown. My gums were poked, prodded, and pushed up to accommodate the margins of the crown. The new crown was ready to go in. There were several attempts, a lot of fussing and minor drilling. It didn’t fit. The scanner wand, which is too big for my mouth, was stuffed in there anyway for more 3D images. My jaw ached.

In the end, a new temporary crown was installed. A new permanent crown was ordered. It was another two-hour episode in the dental chair before I was released. I felt like I’d been punched in the head and dragged behind a truck. My dental misadventures are starting to feel like a boring mini-series.

From the dentist I went to my favorite gas station to top off the tank, where the gas that was $2.999 last Wednesday was $3.199 today. Then I headed home. I was hungry and my stomach was rumbling. A Friendly Fribble seemed like just the thing to soothe my mouth and fill my stomach so I stopped at Friendly’s and got one.

The dental appointment was draining. My gums ached and throbbed. I felt cold and sat on the couch like a potato for most of the afternoon, still in my outdoor jacket. By suppertime, I perked up a bit and took off the jacket. An Aldi store brand frozen pizza was heated. It was hard to eat on one side of my mouth, but I wasn’t risking offending the already abused other side of my mouth with crunchy edges. It’s finally starting to feel better than earlier today. Tomorrow it will feel better.

Snow melting.

The recent warm temperatures have been appreciated. It was 66 degrees on Tuesday, and 56 degrees today. It has led to some snowmelt in the back yard, with patches of earth and rocks showing. Seeing the fallen leaves and the rocks lightened my mood.  Next up in the mood improving department is the the Love is Blind: Ohio season reunion on Netflix. Every little bit helps.