random thoughts – Day 2,193 (Thursday) – hearing

The merger that ended my nine years with a local bank led to more than just the stress of joblessness. The bank hosted an unemployment workshop led by staff from the department of unemployment assistance (DUA). In the workshop, we were advised to open a claim for unemployment benefits on July 1 based on our separation date of June 30, as well as how to document the job search and log the activity certifications. 

I followed the instructions and opened the claim, searched for jobs, and provided the certifications week after week. For months, the status of my certifications was “Pending ... while an issue is resolved.” In mid-September, I called the DUA to ask what the issue was.

In mid-October, at around 15 weeks into the searching and certifying process, 14 deposits landed in my bank account for the benefit payments that had been pending. Two days later, a notification was received that the bank had appealed my unemployment benefits and a hearing would be scheduled. The letter instructed me to “get ready for the appeal hearing” and to be prepared to explain my case.

Without knowing what the reason of the appeal was, it was hard to prepare information and “get ready,” but I gathered the layoff letters from the bank, payment stubs for my final paycheck and severance pay, screen shots of the severance amount and duration questions/answers required to open the claim, copies of my notes from the DUA workshops, and a timeline/index for my 14 uploaded documents. These were uploaded to the system in December.

In February, after my unemployment benefits were exhausted, I called the DUA to ask about the hearing, having heard nothing about it since October. My concern was that not logging into the system for weekly job search certifications could result in missing an update concerning the hearing. A couple weeks later, a notice was received of the hearing date in about a month. That date was today.

This morning, per the instructions I am good at following, at the designated time (10:55), I dialed in for the hearing, typed the event PIN incorrectly, re-entered it correctly, and the automated system informed that there was an estimated wait time of two minutes. Hold music was along the lines of classical Spanish guitar and was a refreshing change from the usual classical piano music. The hold music was remotely familiar, and I flipped through the musical index in my brain.

When the DUA representative came on the line to take attendance, I learned the bank rep that filed the appeal was not on the line and there would be a ten-minute wait for them to log in and the rep got off the line. Back on hold, the delicious music continued and I determined it was the same mood and sound as a composition the dance troupe performed to around 2019. I listened to it and as the clock ticked closer to the expiration of the ten-minute wait, the first notes of the dance music plucked in (Dark Fire by Light Rain). I almost wished the hold had been a few minutes longer.

Even better than the great music, when the DUA rep came on the line for the second attendance check, there was still no bank representative present for the appeal. At 11:11, the DUA rep dismissed the case and said that letters will be sent to that effect. The bank has the opportunity to appeal the dismissal, but for today, it was over. The first thing I did after hanging up was search online for the hold music and listen to it before moving on to other things (like combing through job listings).

random thoughts – Day 2,192 (Wednesday) – solved(ish)

The hardware store was visited this morning and a very helpful worker escorted me to the dryer vent stock. We chatted about my dryer vent being so close to the ground (12"-18") and he offered suggestions for raising it which I may or may not someday execute. I got to see the ginger cat grooming itself atop a box and the black sauntered past me on the way through the store.

Packed.

When I took the screws out and tried to pull the old vent cap off, there was an extensive ring of silver duct tape at the juncture of the cap and the metal part from the inside. I fought it off with the aid of the screw driver. Once liberated, I could see there was about an inch of solidified lint tightly packed against the screen. It was impressive how dense it was. Behind the dense pack was another couple inches of fluffy lint. That part was only a tiny bit icky.

Slightly less simple in real life.

The picture instructions on the box looked straightforward enough, just slip the cap over the metal part and screw it on. It wasn’t that easy. The metal part of the vent seemed a smidge larger than the plastic part and was hard to get them joined. Then, it got trickier. The outer frame is slightly wider on the new cap and the screw holes didn’t match the previous screw holes. The skirting material is sculpted to look like rock and isn't flat so the larger frame of the vent didn't sit flush. Ugh. 

It was cold out (in the 30s), and as my quick swap out project blossomed into a lengthier project, I just wanted it to be done. The idea of it being done well was rapidly slipping away as a requirement. Two screws were set in the existing holes and two screws were at screwy angles to reach the other existing holes and a bunch of duct tape was used around the frame to cover gaps. When it’s warmer out there will be a proper redo.

random thoughts – Day 2,191 (Tuesday) – mysteries

The rain of Monday night arrived with a vengeance, accompanied by some super-duper crazy wind. The wind howled and the rain battered the house from all directions. At 1:00 a.m., I was still awake, partly due to the noisy weather and partly because I was racing to finish reading a book. There was a loud and heavy noise outside. And again. It seemed like something had crashed into the house.

I got out of bed and lowered the living room shade cautiously, not sure what to expect, but mentally assessing where the home insurance paperwork is located. The wind had thrown open the full glass panel storm door and was bashing it into the metal railing on the front landing. Luckily, the door didn’t seem damaged and I wrestled it closed and locked it. 

Mysterious cracks? Tunnels?

This morning, I scanned the yard with the aid of daylight. There were pieces of broken plastic skirting in the yard, but that was the only evidence of the storm visible from the window. The snow has melted away and there are strange, curving crack-like marks visible in the side yard and behind the house. It looks like earthly varicose veins or a tunnel network just below and along the surface of the yard. Weird.

Once dressed, I went outside and walked around the house to check things out. There were two pieces of broken skirting on the front lawn and another wedged in the rhododendron. The skirting didn’t come off my house, so it's a mystery whose house it blew in from.

Some house is missing some parts.

The dryer has been not doing its job very well lately, and I checked out the vent at the back of the house. Someone on Facebook mentioned recently that their dryer vent had been plugged up due to the height of the snow. I think the same thing happened to mine because 1) the snow was very high against the back of the house, especially after the roof was cleared off; 2) the dryer vent cap is not very high off the ground; and 3) the vent opening is currently packed with soggy lint pressing against the screen. 

Of course, it isn’t as simple as taking the screen off and pulling out the lint. The latches are broken and the screen has been securely wired onto the vent outlet at four points with what is now some crusty wire. It might be wise for me to visit the hardware store armed with a photo of the existing vent and get a whole new exterior piece before I start monkeying around with it.

Dance class tonight had mysteries and surprises. Usually when we arrive at the rental space, there are a few tables and a varying number of chairs (from a couple to a lot) to be moved out of the way so we can dance. Tonight, there were six tables arranged in the center of the floor and set with chairs. A series of ropes above the floor held crepe paper that had been draped in twisted around the ropes and hung low enough that our tallest dancers hit it when our arms were extended.

Festive!

Additional festive ambiance was provided by plastic panels printed with flamingos and palm trees that were attached to some divider panels with push pins. It was all very neat, like someone went to some effort to set up for an event and someone is going to be surprised the next time they visit the room because we had to move all the tables and chairs out of the way because there was no possible way to dance around it. There may have been a communication gap concerning the precious nugget of info that we rent the space every Tuesday night. Oopsie. At least the furniture moving was an extra workout.

random thoughts – Day 2,190 (Monday) – napping

It’s mid-March and time for my annual pre-spring blahs and energy dip. This is a period of weeks where I feel extra chilly and wander around my house in a coat, even though the temperature setting for the heating system is exactly as it has been for about four months. And also, I’m tired. It started about a week ago. Hooray.

Leftovers.

Today, after being out in the world for a few hours at a fabric store, a dance supply shop, and an Indian restaurant for lunch, I arrived home and despite intentions to do something productive, I crashed on the couch. I was chilly so my jacket stayed on and a blanket was added while episodes of Suburgatory streamed on Netflix. 

There was an early supper of leftover basmati rice and Vegetable Vindaloo from the lunch restaurant. It had been years since last having Indian food and I couldn't even remember what I like, so conservatively ordered the spice level at medium. I should have gone full spicy. Next time I will know better.

Eventually, a lovely nap on the couch crept in. I don’t know how long the nap was, but it was solidly refreshing. I awoke to full darkness outside and the comforting sound of a heavy downpour on the roof. The light on the automatic timer was on, which tipped me off that it was at least 6:30. The clock in the kitchen read 7:30. Thank goodness there were no commitments tonight.

random thoughts – Day 2,189 (Sunday) – practical worry

Elevator gap - source
of anxiety.

For nine years working at the bank, I worked on an upper-level floor. The first office  location for my team was on the second floor, then a couple years later we moved to the fourth floor of a different building across the parking lot. Sometimes I took the stairs to and from the office, but more often, I took the elevator. Every time I took an elevator in one of our several campus buildings and especially when leaving the fourth-floor office space at the end of the day, I felt a twinge of panic. It wasn’t a fear that the elevator would careen out of control and crash in the basement level like in an action movie. It was something more realistic.

My ongoing and regular fear was that I would drop my keys and they would fall into the door gap between the elevator box and the outer area and plummet to the basement, rendering me unable to start my car and drive to the home I would not be able to enter. 

I have a tendency to invest my worry efforts in things that have a chance of actually happening, so it’s much more likely I will lose sleep with worry of dropping my keys in an elevator gap than of me being swept away in a tornado.

House gap - new
source of worry.

This morning, while preparing for departure for dance class and locking the back door to the house, I dropped my keys. They bounced on the concrete landing outside the door and landed near the edge of the top step. While retrieving them, I noticed the gap between the concrete staircase and the skirting wall that encloses the crawlspace under the house. It’s not a wide gap, but it's probably wide enough and the skirting material is flexible. The gap, plus the flexible material might be sufficient for my keys to fall into and would probably be difficult to extract, especially when I'm using the spare ring with just the house and mailbox key. 

And just like that, I have a fresh new thing that could actually happen to worry about on a regular and ongoing basis. Oh, joy.

random thoughts – Day 2,188 (Saturday) – corned beef and devil dogs

The weather mood swings continue. There was fresh snow on the lawn and the bushes this morning when I hauled myself out of bed. During the course of the morning, it was cloudy, it snowed again at varying intensities, and it rained frozen ice pellets. Then the sun came out.

Irish at the British.

There was a plan to meet my sister and her husband, and Mom and StepDad at the British American Club for their annual corned beef and cabbage Irish dinner. The food was good, the tables were decorated with little pots of fake clover and green and white carnations, and at times the music was just too loud to talk, but then the volume was adjusted and it was good.

It was an afternoon at a table with family and friends talking about a variety of topics including scammers and fraud protection, crazy stories from my sister's job at a credit union, and electric utility costs. The elders left before we got to the good stuff  like stalkers, stupid songs we had to sing in elementary school (“Get Along Home Cindy, Cindy, I’ll marry you some day” still randomly invades my brain and hangs out for too long), updates on pets, and hated adult chores like grocery shopping and daily cooking. We laughed over our childhood family car trips from Massachusetts to Fort Worth, Texas and Lantana, Florida in the summer heat with no A/C. We tallied up who fainted at which vacation spot (Sis was Disney World, I was Six Flags over Texas and West Point). The usual. It was fun.

On the way home, I stopped at Dollar General. There was no particular reason other than when I am near the place I go in. Then, while walking around it seemed I should have a reason to be there. After roaming the entire store, I ended up buying a new hand soap for the kitchen and Devil Dogs that were on special two boxes for $5. I was more of a Ring Ding fan as a kid and my brother liked Devil Dogs. I thought about him when I bought them. Really, I bought them because of him. It will be five years this summer since he removed himself from this world and some days the hole feels bigger than other days. Today, I tried to feed the hole in my heart with a mass-produced snack my brother liked. 

Devil Dogs.

The “Mochaccino” Devil Dog flavor is an update for the modern palate and it’s pretty good. I still think Ring Dings are better conceptually because they are covered in chocolate, but now that Ring Dings aren’t wrapped in foil anymore, they have lost a bit of their flavor edge. Maybe tomorrow I’ll dip some Devil Dogs in chocolate and see how those are. It would involve chocolate, so it won't be awful.

random thoughts – Day 2,187 (Friday) – ruins

Roman ruins, March 2023.

Three years ago on this date (March 13), four friends and I were in Rome. Usually, we traveled together to resort hotels on beaches with buffets, restaurants, beverage plans, and waiters who delivered to the chaise lounges on the beach. In Rome, we stayed in a lovely hotel located a short walk from Trevi Fountain. The Coliseum was down the street. Ruins were everywhere, nestled between buildings. 

We walked for hours every day, exploring the city’s ruins, museums, churches, cafes, and restaurants. We took day trips to Pompeii and Tivoli and learned that hotel-booked tours pick you up at your hotel and bring you to the site, but they don’t necessarily bring you back where they picked you up (or at all). We drank coffee, Aperol Spritzes, and lovely wines and ate pizza, fresh pasta, pastries and gelato. There were grotto restaurants and sidewalk cafes. The hotel breakfast area had a view of the nearby rooftops. It was wonderful.

What a difference three years makes. Back then, I had a decent amount of vacation time and a decent salary that led me to the strategic decision to to endure a dead-end job for several more years because retirement age was creeping closer and starting over somewhere else would likely mean less vacation time. Then, last year, the merger swooped in and snatched away the job I was willing to tolerate. And nine months after the layoff, I’m still trying to start over and find another job in a market crowded with new graduates and hundreds of other experienced, laid off professionals. Advertised roles with my former job title include the responsibilities handled by three or four people on my old team and pay half the salary. Breaking into a new area seems even more impossible.

At Trevi Fountain, March 2023.

The stress of the past year has loomed large and overshadowed any fun stuff. Luckily, I have photos to prove to myself I used to be a visible, productive member of society who sometimes traveled instead of the feral remnant of that person who now looks for a job, tries to not spend money, and sometimes gets stuck dwelling on the ruins of a former life. 

Maybe I need to return to Trevi Fountain and make a better wish. I’m pretty sure in 2023 I wished for dumb shit like romance and happiness (and that hasn't worked out), but maybe I should have wished for financial stability and a job that lasted until full retirement age. Live and learn.