random truths – Day 1,042 (Monday) – no joe

Every store I’ve been into since Christmas has vibrant and plentiful displays for the upcoming Valentine’s Day terrorism, which has me thinking about the last date I went on. It was in the first couple years of living in Lowell and the best guess right now is it was in 2017 or 2018.

The guy and I had met on an online dating site. We exchanged fun and interesting text messages and then talked and laughed on the phone for a couple hours that flew past. We decided to meet for coffee at a shop in downtown Lowell. Based on how much we had laughed on the phone, I hoped for a bit of the hilarity in person.

When I arrived, he already had a cup of coffee and was seated at a table in the shop. The place felt crowded and loud and the table was tiny. The line of people waiting to order drinks was long. We dove into conversation immediately. The vibe wasn’t at all like on the phone.

My date kept referring to himself as “Ugly Old Joe.” He was neither ugly nor old and it got boring really quick. He talked a lot about himself, peppered with references to being Ugly Old Joe. “Well, I’m just Ugly Old Joe and you sure are pretty.”  “Now that you’ve met Ugly Old Joe, are you ready to run out of here?”

Maybe he felt insecure. Maybe he thought it was funny. Maybe he was looking for a personal cheerleader or a therapist with all the “I’m just Ugly Old Joe” stuff, but he wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to even try either direction.

I had imagined us continuing our earlier chats about vinyl records and bands and art, but there was none of that happening on date day. It was all one big monologue about Ugly Old Joe this and Ugly Old Joe that and not even any room for two-way conversation. Maybe he just wanted an audience.

It didn’t take long before Joe was right and I was ready to flee, just because the whole thing was painful. The funniest part was, I never even got any coffee. It's a good thing I'm self-sufficient and have coffee at home.