“Remoted” – Day 434 (Monday)

I haven’t been active on Facebook Dating lately. Sometimes the app even sends me reminder messages to do something, anything. It turns out that weeks have passed since I last looked at it, and there are unanswered messages and conversations that have faded off to nothingness because of neglect. It’s not the guys, it’s me. Or it’s both of us. 

The notable observation from recent visits with the app involve occupations. Dang, there sure are a lot of allegedly local guys working as “drill operator, oil and gas and mechanical engineer, oil and gas workers.” I had no idea that pipeline work was such a huge industry here in New England. The other popular occupation seems to be “Middle East area peacekeeping mission.” It all sounds so fake. I though Massachusetts was big on biotech, healthcare and finance stuff, but it seems it’s oil and gas and peacekeeping.  

An article about dating scammers on the Federal Trade Commission website says, “They’ll often say they’re living or traveling outside of the United States” with jobs like “working on an oil rig, in the military, or a doctor with an international organization.” Hey ladies, if you want an oil rig worker they are all hanging out on Facebook Dating.

There are profiles that are complete gibberish. I read and re-read, and can't figure out what the heck is being said. It's like a random word generator puked out some words and called it a dating profile. 

The conversations follow a pattern – a couple brief messages with introductory and boring pleasantries, then the guy asks for a phone number or email address “so we can communicate directly.”  I thought it was me being old fashioned or bitchy, but “Hi, how are you? Give me your number so we can text,” feels kind of fast from a total and complete stranger. Several websites posting articles about dating scams mention another big red flag as, “The person quickly wants to leave the dating website and communicate with you through email or instant messaging.” Noted, and glad it’s not just me.

One guy, in his first message, asked if I had run into people asking for money. I responded “no, just people who immediately want a phone number or email, which feels like the gateway to a scam.” He disappeared, never to be heard from again. I didn’t feel bad.

There have been a couple guys who launch right in with “Hey Baby, how are you doing, beautiful?” Ummmm…. Pray tell, does that really work? Do other women melt at that sort of talk from a total stranger? Is it my crusty, protective outer shell that prevents my stony little heart from responding to such words from someone I’ve never met? Unfortunately, I have the same reaction as when some stranger dude on the street tells me to smile. 

I really miss the golden, olden days when life presented an abundance of opportunities to meet people (cough, men) IN REAL LIFE. It was fun to have a conversation and then make a decision about continuing the conversation at a later time or maybe right away at a late night diner. Now, it’s guesswork based on photos that look fake, profiles that sound too perfect, and conversations that read like scripts.

Many profiles have photos straight from some modeling agency’s roster. A large percentage are photos of groups of guys at sporting events and bars, and it seems to be up to the viewer to figure out which of the half dozen dudes is the one with the profile. Other guys have another woman in the photo. Seriously? Are they looking for a third? The rest, a smaller percentage, look like actual, normal guys, but a frightening number of those proclaim they are "a GOD FEARING man.” Yes, in caps. Please don’t yell at me, we haven’t even met. And chances are good that we never will. 

The wackiest message yet was not on Facebook Dating, but a rogue message on Instagram. The guy was offering me the chance to be his sugar baby, with weekly money. I suppose it's good work if you can get it, but I don't get why he thought I was the person for that. Maybe I'm hanging out at the wrong cyber dating bar.