“Remoted” – Workday Twelve (Wednesday)

I haven’t left the house for 16 days. Every day it feels a bit smaller, and it isn’t that large to begin with. Stress cracks are appearing and it probably won’t be long before I totally snap from the load.

It turns out I forgot to pay the gas bill that was due right around the time of the initial “being remoted,” which wasn’t discovered until the new bill arrived. Oops. All set now, but I’m wondering what else was forgotten.

My friends pets are all dying. One friend has lost two dogs, a cat, and two chickens in the space of several weeks. Every day my Facebook feed has another pet that has crossed the rainbow bridge. Every day. It's heartbreaking.

Cracks are appearing. Everywhere. 

The screen on my laptop is cracked. One of the little plastic bits that cover the hinges popped off, but I didn't know it until the next time I opened it and the piece fell out. The screen was cracked and the touch screen no longer works. And of course, it's not covered by the extended warranty, as it's considered "an accident." 

This morning actually started out great when I got up about a half hour earlier than in recent days. It allowed for some relaxed time drinking coffee and playing Scrabble online before starting work. It felt good, but it didn’t last, and by noon, I was ready to punch a hole in the wall. Every little thing that could possibly be annoying had gotten under my skin.

The internet was as slow as mud today, which made researching articles for a work project especially painful. My feet were even more cold than usual. My thumbs and palms are split from all the hand washing. Even the seats of my leather dining room chairs are cracking. Moose the canine overlord was especially barky and I really, really wanted to run away from home/office to escape it. All of it. But there was no running. Or driving. Or even walking. But I clearly need to come up with a plan for dealing with days like this. Fortunately for Moose and me, he is extra cuddly and cute tonight. My several cuts are not bleeding at the moment.

It all feels like it’s really getting to me – the lack of human contact; the incessant barking; the computer; the absolute lack of separation between work and home; the UPS and Fed Ex trucks and the neighbors turning around in my driveway all day every day; the kid next door playing loud obscenity-filled rap while bouncing the basketball; the news that the Civic Center Landry Arena in Fitchburg near my sister’s house is now set up as a temporary mortuary area; missing my niece’s upcoming birthday… all of it.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.

Do I sound crazy? I feel a little crazy.