“Remoted” Workday 200 / Day 303 (Wednesday)

Each morning, I receive an email from A Network for Grateful Living with the Grateful Word of the Day. Of the many email messages each day, this is one of the few emails regularly opened and read each morning. I like it because it is short.

Today’s message struck a chord, but not in the “Yes, I love this” kind of way. It was definitely more of a “Who the heck has the energy for this?” reaction, followed by instantaneous guilt. Today’s quote, from Julia Butterfly Hill, was,

“I wake up in the morning asking myself, what can I do today, how can I help the world today?”

Barky Bark and the Grumpy Bunch.

I wish. I wake up in the morning asking myself "what?" all right. It's just closer to "what the hell time is it?" and "what the frig is Moose barking about now?" After being barked awake by Moose, (whose newest nickname is “Barky Barky and the Grumpy Bunch”), I stumble over to the bathrobe hung on the back of the bedroom door and then down the stairs. 

Daily immediate concerns include getting one yapping beast and one quiet beast outside to potty, hurriedly preparing their food, and then getting back to the door before Barky Bark awakens the entire street. Next is Winston’s insulin and starting the coffee. With luck, speed, and focus, this is can be done before Moose finishes eating and demands to go outside again. It's a wait at the door to let Barky Bark back in before he starts vocalizing, and then I can finally dress for the day.

Inspiring? Or daunting?

The rest of the day is consumed with avoiding land mines, putting out fires, and trying really hard to not screw things up. If I drop the ball over in my part of a project, the delay can really mess things up for someone else and their role in the ordeal.

I have colleagues and acquaintances who help, if not the whole world, at least swaths of it. They run for public office. They actively and effectively fundraise for non-profit organizations and organize drives for needed items like food, socks, cold weather wear, toys. They rescue animals. They inspire others with their tireless energy and impressive accomplishments.

Unfortunately, I am not one of these heavenly creatures radiating kindness and goodwill like a beacon of hope unto the world. I am one lonely-ass person trying really hard to keep my shit together, one day at a time, and some days it is a lot harder than others. 

The idea of "helping the world today" is definitely more daunting than inspiring. Overwhelming, even. Most days, at best, I might be the quick flicker of a match in the dark of night. In the wind. During a rainstorm. The best I can regularly muster is actively and consciously avoiding doing harm. This is also important, but that should always be the bare minimum baseline for a decent human. I’m not sure it is quite the same thing as “how can I help the world today?”