random thoughts – Day 1,773 – (Thursday) – looking back

Dad, Mom, Donna, Tommy.

Today is the anniversary of the day my parents married. They were young when they married. Kids, really. Dad was 19, Mom 16. They were married for 23 years and have been divorced for longer than that. 

Mom wore a light blue skirt suit with a twinge of purple thread in the weave. The suit used to live in my closet, but now it lives in my cedar chest. 

When I lived in Tennessee, Mom sent her wedding suit to me in a box with some Valentine stuff and I cried when I opened it. I wore a size four then, and the suit fit me. One year I wore Mom’s wedding day suit to the office on the anniversary of the wedding day. Another time, I wore Mom's Chanel style winter white wool sleeveless dress with boots to a reception at the Museum where I worked. I was lively and sassy and wore a lot of vintage clothes during the 12-year Tennessee stretch. 

I wish there was a picture of me wearing Mom's suit. It no longer fits me and the skirt probably wouldn’t make it around one thigh. (Words written while sitting on the couch typing and eating saltines slathered in peanut butter.)

As much as I missed Massachusetts when I was in Tennessee, I feel like I left the best parts of myself back in Clarksville. I had a social scene, a professional network, and was an active artist regularly selling stained glass, photography, and jewelry. I had visibility in my job and community and was adventurous and reasonably happy-ish. 

And I felt like a stranger in my own life, according to a Facebook post on this date in 2009. Little did I know that 16 years later, I’d still feel that way. Even moreso. Maybe I wasn’t happy and having fun, and was just wearing a fun life like a suit. 

Maybe I need to invest in a new suit.