random thoughts – Day 1,750 – (Tuesday) – new year's eve

New Year's kiss,
Dec. 31, 2024.

When I was a kid, New Year’s Eve was a big deal. Huge.

My parents often went out to a big party, and we three kids would spend the night at Mummu’s. This was no ordinary night at grandma’s though. Mummu made it an event. It was the biggest annual event of our young lives and we looked forward to it.

The magical party formula almost always included the family favorite kielbasa in the brown sugar and ketchup sauce, and enough chips and sweets and soda to sink a ship. We kids were free to indulge as much as we wanted. We ate and ate and ate. 

We played board games and watched crazy shows on TV. Some years it included silent film slapstick Keystone Cops and The Three Stooges while we waited for it to be time for the ball to drop in Times Square, complete with our own living room countdown. Mom would call at midnight to wish us all a happy new year from whatever party she and Dad were at. It was always fun.

As a married adult in my late 20s and early 30s, there was often great pressure placed on New Year's Eve. NYE was sometimes spent with a large friend group at a big hotel party with a room package that included a dinner and party in the ball room, midnight champagne toast, and brunch the following morning. It was glamorous and I loved it. Eventually, the friends splintered off after divorces and breakups and then everything was different. NYE was never that glamorous again.

NYE dinner for one.

This year, NYE at The BungaLowell is a quiet event. Kiki is padding around and asking for head rubs. In the spirit of Mummu’s parties, I had a lot of food. A seafood platter with rice pilaf was ordered from Primo’s for an early supper. The leftovers will make for a nice New Year's Day lunch. 

There were some chocolate dipped treats and a glass of wine. The midnight kiss was an early event consisting of me devouring Hershey kisses at around 9:00 while Dark Winds streamed on Netflix. By midnight, I’ll likely be in bed either reading a book or already asleep.

Lately, life's pleasure are limited to the basics – eating, reading, and sleeping. If it’s true that how New Year’s Eve into January first is spent sets the tone for the coming year, I’m looking at more food, wine, candy, books, gritty crime dramas on Netflix, and sleep. 

Assuming the NYE folklore is correct, it might be wise to swap a couple elements. More money is always welcomed, and more time spent on art and dance should probably replace some of the obscene quantity of Netflix time. Maybe there needs to be a dance around the table in one of my belly dance coin belts and some hands-on artsy activity before going to bed. You know, just in case.

random thoughts – Day 1,749 – (Monday) – pizzas and rainbow

The last Monday of the year, and it included back-to-back one-on-one meetings with two visiting bankers all day. Each of us had 45-minute slots to meet with the bankers. The schedule was interrupted by a midday pizza lunch with our guests. Lunch would take place in our department's fourth floor converted attic space at the long work counter we call the altar. 

Usually during lunch gatherings in our space, half of us end up standing around semi-awkwardly and the rest sit in desk chairs rolled out from the cubicles with plates balanced on knees. It was intended to be a casual thing so the standing and knee plates wouldn’t be so bad. The paper plates and napkins were set out on the altar. Two two-liter bottles of soda and a stack of cups stood at attention.

There was a last-minute change of the lunch location. Instead of the fourth floor, we would be on the third floor in a lovely conference room with an oval table, comfortable seating for everyone, a portrait of Abraham Lincoln on the wall, and a beautiful Christmas tree in the corner. The windows in the room face Merrimack Street with a view of Ste. Anne’s Episcopal Church across the street and the old yellow Lowell High School building a couple blocks behind it.

Shortly before the time of the lunch, as we were loitering and waiting for it to “be time,” an uninvited, unwelcomed four legged furry little “guest” ran across the floor under the desk of a colleague. It ran out of her office, then turned and ran back into it. At various levels, the three of us who saw the tiny terror of the fourth floor kind of freaked out.

The scurry of the rodent led to a flurry of human activity. The facilities team, who had been in our department just a few minutes before the rodent raced across the place, was called to return. The third floor was called to check on conference room availability, and the first floor to alert the folks currently in a meeting there that the lunch location was moved. The plates and napkins and cups and soda were collected. While one colleague crossed the parking lot to fetch the pizzas from the restaurant, the rest of us prepared to relocate. Facilities stepped off the elevator and we directed them to the last spot we had seen the interloper before we stepped into it and fled for a more serene setting.

After the “excitement” upstairs, lunch was relaxed. We had a chance to chat with the visiting bankers about things like the Lincoln portrait, why it is there, and how this particular room is more comfortable for lunch than standing awkwardly in the department upstairs. There was conversation about theater shows (Grinch and Wicked), new movies (Wicked), adorable dogs and toddlers, and other topics. It was fun. We did not mention the rodent upstairs. Why ruin a nice lunch?

Rainbow over Ste. Anne's.

It had rained earlier, but by lunchtime, the sun was out. A large tan bird flew to the top of a spire at Ste. Anne's across the street. A few minutes later, a rainbow formed a full arc over the church. I whisper-yelled, “a rainbow” and immediately began trying to get a photo of it from the far side of the room. I gave up and moved to the window. This was a casual lunch after all, not a formal board meeting, presentation, or a conference. 

After lunch, back on the fourth floor, there was no sign of facilities or the rodent. Later, one was caught in a trap. We hope that is the end of the case of the rascally rodent, but it’s probably not. It probably has friends. 

Overall, it was an unusual day.

random thoughts – Day 1,748 – (Sunday) – quiet with cooking

It was another hermit-like, homebound day. It was peaceful. There was quiet. I liked it. 

The current preferred home environment is the opposite of my preferred home life of decades ago. Then, the house was always filled with noise, either music or the TV, mostly to crowd out any thoughts. Somewhere along the years, after working in silent office spaces where you could basically near the heartbeat of the occupant of the next cubicle, I learned to appreciate a quiet space. Now, it isn’t unusual for me to sit for long stretches in the stillness of a quiet house with a quiet mind.

Kiki spent much of the quiet day napping on her chair, which she periodically and randomly interrupted by stepping down to the floor to issue a meow and once, a surprising “ack.” As is her style, she would meow, and when I looked at her, she would walk around the ottoman to appear on the other side of it and meow again. Then she would let me pat her head. She is very good about asking to be petted, which she wouldn’t have to do if she would just become a lap kitty.

Baked macaroni and cheese.

In the peace and quiet, there was a return to the routine of the Sunday cooking. Actual food, not chocolate covered Christmas treats. The cheese and plentiful pasta reserves were tapped for a baked macaroni and cheese. There was a lot of grating of the mysterious cheese ends that mostly seemed to be American and provolone. There was a spice cabinet mystery of the missing mustard powder. It still tasted pretty good, just a little bland. Sharp cheddar would have helped, but there was none.

Vegetable broth was made earlier this week with onion skins, broccoli stems, carrot and celery trimmings. Later, the broth was converted to a chunky vegetable soup with frozen brussels sprouts, butternut squash, and fresh broccoli, carrots and onion. Tonight’s tasty supper soup featured both cheese and kielbasa, with a side of saltines. So delicious.

random thoughts – Day 1,747 – (Saturday) – domestic thrills

Winter window wear.

A Saturday with no plans allowed for the chance to finally change the living room window treatments. The short, lightweight teal summer wear curtains were exchanged for longer, heavier red and cream drapes for winter. For many years, the window treatments stayed the same all year long, but earlier this year I got all domestic and changed the curtains, couch cover, and pillows based on other colors in the rug. 

The plus side to the long winter drapes is the fabric blocks some of the chill that creeps in from the outer walls. The downside is they make the room darker, which can feel cozy at night, but a bit gloomy in the daytime.

The chore had been thought about since around October. It required washing the drapes, which came down last spring and had been waiting in the laundry basket ever since. Spending the summer in the laundry basket was a solution that avoided finding a place to put the drapes after they were cleaned. The summer curtains will probably live in that same basket until May or June.

The next chapter of domestic thrills to be addressed is the matter of trading out the teal themed couch cover and coordinated pillows for the winter tan and red color scheme. Maybe tomorrow. I hate to use up all the fun and excitement in one day.  

random thoughts – Day 1,746 – (Friday) – frozen food and time

On the crisp, cold morning I headed out to the world of downtown and work. By the time I left the house, I had been up for three hours and 15 minutes. At 4:00 a.m. I woke up, and when I hadn’t fallen back to sleep at 4:45 I conceded defeat and got up. There was plenty of time for drinking coffee, doing the usual morning things, and reading a chapter or two.

The post-holiday calm was still in effect and the streets heading to downtown were deserted. With school out for Christmas break and many office workers on holiday, the streets downtown were empty. I found a parking spot on the third level of the garage. After the easy drive to the garage, there was a lonely walk along the empty sidewalks bordering streets free of parked vehicles and traffic. It may have been my favorite commute of the entire year. 

Food still life in bark mulch.

There may not have been any other people, but there was a weird still life laid out in the landscaping between the sidewalk on John Street and the parking lot of the former Lowell Five Bank building. It looked like an entire grocery order had been abandoned. 

Ten or twelve unopened deli packets and prepared food containers with Hannaford labels were scattered on the bark mulch on a small patch of snow. There were bagels, bread, and a flatbread pizza. I’m sure there is a story to how a full grocery order ended up haphazardly dumped on a sidewalk two miles from the store, and I’m itching to know it. Was someone roughed up while walking from the garage to a downtown dwelling? Did a bag break and the shopper gave up? How long had it been there?

If it hadn't been so cold out, I might have put on a Nancy Drew stylish detective chapeau and stayed to examine the scene more closely. Photograph it from various angles. Forget Nancy Drew and The Secret of the Old Clock, I need to know what happened with Many Dollars Worth of Groceries Dumped on a Sidewalk. It might be less intriguing if the dollar value wasn't equivalent to my weekly grocery budget.

The rest of the day was equally intriguing, but in more of a punishing way. The day dragged. Time stood still at least 50 times. I wasn’t the only to feel it. The other two people working on my floor were also caught in the frozen time vortex. The morning felt like it was a week long. The full workday felt like a month. It was the longest damned day in the history of office work. But back at home, the quiet evening of doing very little flew by. Just another one of life’s cruel little jokes.

The weather has featured an advisory about freezing rain and icy conditions Saturday from 4:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Sounds like the perfect morning to stay in and read. I hope tomorrow morning drags as long as this morning did. Fingers crossed.

random thoughts – Day 1,745 – (Thursday) – boxing day

The day after a major holiday is often a slow day at work. Lots of people are out on vacation time, so there are generally very few requests for new ads, signs, or projects. It’s a great time to catch up on projects in process, tracking projects and loose ends, and just catching a breath. It’s not a pace I would want all the time, but once in a while is okay, and today it was perfect. One project came back from a business line review, another went out, and mostly all was calm and all was bright.

Supper in a box.

The only leftovers in the fridge are candies because even when I was done I didn’t stop melting and dipping. However, I have reached my saturation point for consumption of chocolate and nuts. Last night, halfway through the 1,000^th piece of saltine bark with almond slices, chocolate covered potato sticks, chocolate cake, and chocolate coins, a colossal cold sore blossomed on my lower lip. I could feel it as it swelled. This morning, I looked like I got punched in the mouth and was glad it was a remote day and I didn't need to see anybody in person. It’s clearly time to lay off the chocolates for a while.

I was hungry when work finished for the day and ordered a pizza. Supper in a box felt like my improvised American homage to Boxing Day and my 6% “England and Northwestern Europe” DNA results per my Ancestry test. Yes, I know that isn’t how Boxing Day really works, but many traditions get lost in translation and time.

random thoughts – Day 1,744 – (Wednesday) – foods and gifts

Waking up in a house not my own after a restful sleep that ran several hours later than usual felt luxurious. Decadent. Disorienting. I was in my niece’s room in my sister’s house and it was 9:00. It felt like a Sunday and it took me a minute to fully register it was Wednesday and that Thursday is a work day.  

Downstairs was shining with the full magical Christmas treatment of lights and multiple small trees and ornaments and figurines, plus the the remnants of our family Christmas Eve party. My sister has always had a talent for creating a festive space, whether it's Christmas, Easter, Independence Day, Halloween, birthdays, or NFL game day. This morning there were gift bags and opened gifts set in piles throughout the dining room, evidence of the gift giving the night before.

Christmas Eve party mode in effect.

The party had included a table laden with food sufficient for an army, despite our gathering numbering eight. We feasted on flatbread rolled sandwiches, meatballs in tomato sauce, kielbasa in ketchup brown sugar sauce, salad, cheese and crackers, potato chips, grapes, pineapple with Tajin seasoning, and countless homemade baked treats and candies. There was wine. And eggnog with a kick. It was glorious. 

The TV provided hours of background entertainment. During the dining and gift opening, it was an hour-long video of Santa stuck in a chimney, his legs and boots sometimes swaying or kicking, and an occasional Santa comment. This was followed by a video of a roast cooking in an oven, and we laughed about how easily entertained we are and tried to think of videos we could make and profit from. Then, it was the holiday classic and family favorite feature film, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.”

Soon, two of the three nieces headed to bed. One had to work today (Great Wolf Lodge) because vacation destination activities and supervisor duties don’t pause for holidays. The other naturally goes to bed early and gets up early, and it was already hours beyond her normal sleep time.

Decadent and delicious cake.

By the time I was up this morning, my sister already had the coffee made. I don't know how she does it, by her coffee is always better than what I make at home. One niece had left for work hours earlier. There was conversation and cookies with the coffee. Lunch of sandwiches, chips, and conversation. There was a slice of decadent chocolate tuxedo mousse cake selected by the nieces, and my sister cut a chunk and packed it for me to take home. 

When I headed home, the traffic was light and easy, and I was finally ready to listen to Christmas music. On the drive, I thought the same thing I think every time I spend time with my sister – “we need to do this more often.”

Relaxing with
a new book.

At home, Kiki had to show me who is boss by shunning me. She sauntered out of the living room and went upstairs. After a brief cooling-off period, she was meowing up a storm and ready for head pats. 

I stretched out on the couch and started reading A Court of Thorns and Roses. This is the picture of leisure that lives in my head, but which I usually fail to enact in the life outside my head. Today, for more than two hours, I read the book my eldest niece gave me for Christmas. We had talked about the Sarah L. Maas series previously, and before that a co-op in our office had recommended it, but I had never gotten around to buying it. Reading a gifted book was a perfect way to enjoy a chunk of the Christmas afternoon. 

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were what I pictured as my perfect holiday this year. There was family time, food, and the gift of an afternoon with the freedom to relax in what has turned out to be an unusually stressful year-end/future outlook.

random thoughts – Day 1,743 – (Tuesday) – christmas clothes

Decked out in red for Christmas Eve.

One of my favorite memories of Christmas Eves past is getting a new outfit and new pajamas. As kids, Mummu always bought us new outfits to wear to the big family party on Christmas Eve. Everyone would be decked out in their holiday finery. I loved dressing up for that party.

At the family party, we  received new pajamas from Mummu, and on Christmas morning, we kids would open our stockings and gifts from Santa in our new PJs. I think I had graduated college and was married when Mummu stopped gifting me with pajamas or nightgowns. 

As a kid, my PJ preferences were simple. I loved anything cute and new. As an adult, I have developed very specific pajama preferences. Cotton shorts and a cami for summer. Microfleece pants and tee shirt knit long sleeve tops have been determined, through trial, error, and thermostat adjustments,  to be my optimal fabrics for winter.  

Christmas morning in pajamas with my brother.

The winter fabric preference is now a problem. For several years, Kohl’s sold the pajama fabric combination I liked, and I foolishly did not stockpile a lifetime supply. Now, the only sets found anywhere are all flannel or all fleece or all tee shirt knit. This means there have been no new winter pajamas for Christmas for me for a while. Heavy sigh.

Tonight, unless a Christmas Eve pajama miracle occurs, I’ll be retiring to bed in old pajamas that have seen better nights. And the search continues. If anyone has any leads on my dream pajamas, let me know.

random thoughts – Day 1,742 – (Monday) – half-day

It was an un-Monday Monday. It started like a normal Monday remote work day with coffee and the lengthy login process, emails, and a team touch base meeting. The difference was that this morning, I booked the afternoon of Christmas Eve-Eve as vacation time. It was a “use it or lose it” situation, with just over three hours at risk of forfeiture if not used before year end. Most of my colleagues have been in the same situation to varying degrees and days.

Rice and beans and stuff.

At the designated hour I logged off the system. There was a quick lunch of rice, beans, pretend beef crumbles, grated cheddar, and fake Fritos left over from Sunday's big batch cooking. Then it was off to the living room for Hallmark holiday movies, commercials that make me cry, attempts to avoid thinking, and list making. 

There was time in the kitchen organizing assorted sweets into tins and containers to go to a few households. There was the slicing, boiling, and baking of kielbasa in a ketchup and brown sugar sauce for Christmas Eve at my sister’s. The recipe is one Mummu always made and has been a Christmas Eve food tradition for as long as we can remember. 

And then, boom, the day was over. The sun was down and it was dark. 

Despite it being Festivus, the Seinfeld celebration for “the rest of us,” I failed to host a Festivus dinner for the family to air grievances. The was no Festivus Pole, just like there is no Christmas tree this year. Not that there has ever been a Festivus Pole at The BungaLowell. The only feats of strength were minor domestic chores like rearranging things in the refrigerator to accommodate the sweet treats and the pot of soup that was started and folding some laundry. Whatever. Maybe next year. 

random thoughts – Day 1,741 – (Sunday) – r & r

Queen Kiki on her throne.

The forecast was for cold weather and my plan was to stay home and avoid the crush of traffic and people from the last few days before Christmas. It might be PTSD from working retail. There were no pressing reasons for me to leave the house so I didn’t. This might be my favorite luxury of adulthood as a single person. At the same time I'm untethered by relationships and responsibilities, I am also willfully anchored to staying home to enjoy rest and relaxation.

Kiki and I stayed home and enjoyed the new furnace, which is much quieter than the old one. Kiki spent some time perched on the arm of the chair that serves as her throne. She engaged in demonstrating her prowess in feline athletics in stair climbing. From the dining room, there would be a loud meow, then she bolted up the stairs with a lot of noise. She would slink back down to the dining room, meow, then ran back upstairs again noisily. The time trial happened several times, during which I sat on the couch shaking my head, amused and enjoying the show.  

Pretzel bark.

There was time spent in the kitchen melting chocolate and making bark with flat pretzel crackers. A couple Christmas gifts were wrapped in between the usual laundry chores. Despite the low activity level, the day flew by. 

Some decorations have been set out, but there is still zero sense of Christmas spirit. The work situation seems to have killed it for me for this year. The sending of cards, making of sweets, and gift preparations feel hollow and I'm just going  through the motions, hoping it will trigger a spark of joy. Ideally, sleeping for a week and waking up after New Year’s Day feels appealing. The rest of it feels like a punishment.

random thoughts – Day 1,740 – (Saturday) – driving, shopping, styling

Bunny tracks and bigfoot.

Last Saturday’s car service resulted in bumping my hair salon appointment to this afternoon. It was booked for late enough in the day that I didn’t have to bolt out of bed and immediately hit the road. I ventured out through the light coating of Friday’s snow dotted with bunny tracks that crisscrossed my own big prints from when I arrived home from work. The plan was to visit the magical plaza on Lincoln Street in Worcester with my shopping trifecta – Aldi, Kohl’s, and Savers. 

I didn’t get far before I realized that for whatever mysterious and still undetermined reason, Waze was not providing voice directions. At a red light the speaker volume was checked and it was on maximum volume, but no voice came out. I don’t always rely on the app for the navigation, but more for the traffic, accident, and police alerts.

On Rte 495, there was a lot of radio station hopping. With the exception of Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses, any time a Christmas song came on, I changed the station. In addition to rejecting an entire genre of music that slipped into every station on the airwaves, I was tied up in my head. There was a lot of thinking (and talking aloud to myself) about work and Christmas and life and 10,000 other things.

Between the strangely mute navigation app and the freakishly loud monkey brain, I missed the exit to Rte. 290 and Worcester. For a nanosecond I noticed the road seemed wide and spacious and thought, “Dang, 290 has changed a lot since my last time through here.” When I saw a sign for Hopkinton, it registered that I wasn't on 290, I was still on 495 and in the wrong lane to take the next exit to backtrack. 

When I was finally able to correct, I was 15 miles off course.  What in the actual hell? Apparently I do need navigational guidance. The little extra excursion added a half-hour to the journey, which cut into the shopping plaza time planned for before the salon.

At Aldi, the store was reasonably full with far too many shoppers wandering in a stupor. 'Tis the season. One woman at the egg cooler was complaining out loud to nobody in particular about the cost. I waited for her to move so I could get near enough to see the price. She finally moved and caught my eye and said, “Oh well, what are we supposed to do?” as she put her eggs into her cart. I almost blurted, “Well, you could always not buy any,” but chose to not engage. She probably didn’t want an answer anyway. And there is nothing I can do about the avian flu outbreak that is wiping out the egg layers. Fewer layers means fewer eggs means higher cost. Basic supply and demand. And bitching about it at the Aldi egg cooler won’t change it.

Fresh hair.

I went to Aldi for butter, because earlier in the week I read somewhere it was $2.99. That information was not correct and butter was the usual price of $3.49. I bought some anyway, because dammit, that is why I was there. And a pineapple, because those were only $1.69 and since the trip to Mexico in October, I’ve been wanting fresh pineapple with Tajin seasoning like we had on an excursion, but never bothered to buy one. 

Somehow, despite not really needing anything, $49 worth of stuff found its way into my cart. While in the 20-minute checkout line, I had time to be eyeballing other people’s groceries and saw several things I should have gotten for Christmas Eve dinner. Oops. 

The salon was great. It always is. My stylist gives an amazing scalp massage with the shampoo and since high school, I’ve found having my hair blow dried to be relaxing. The ends are now trimmed and tided and the blowout looks too good to just sit home alone in front of the TV, but that is exactly where my pretty, professionally styled hair went. At least I didn’t get lost going home.

random thoughts – Day 1,739 – (Friday) – relaxing

The morning was normal. The alarm went off. Air was blowing from the vent in the bedroom and the house was the correct temperature. Fridays are casual days so it was quick dressing in jeans and a chunky turtleneck.

The traffic was an extra special gift. There was none. The ride to the garage was annoyance free and smooth sailing. It was a pre-Christmas miracle. In the lobby of the building, the idyllic morning started to face a wrinkle and weirdness kicked in when my access card didn’t work. I couldn’t access the elevator to go upstairs or access the stairwell. Panic flashed through me and I wondered for a second if maybe I didn't work there anymore and someone forgot to tell me. 

Luckily, my colleagues who sit in the suite off the lobby were in and helped me get upstairs to my own department. A service ticket was entered for the nonfunctional access card. Security informed me it was still showing as active and might just be worn out. It’s several years old, so that would track. I got a new card and can once again move freely about the workplace. Whew!

Snowy roof on Shattuck Street.

I hadn’t read the weather forecast this morning, and bounced out of the house with my hood removed from my coat, leather gloves that aren’t warm, and boots with a higher heel than I would wear for snow. At 2:00, when I remembered I wanted to go to the downtown jeweler for batteries for two watches and saw it was snowing, I was caught a little off guard. I didn’t go to the jeweler.

It was still snowing at 5:00. The roofs and cobblestones on Shattuck Street were coated, but heavily traveled Merrimack Street was wet and shiny. The walk to the garage featured benches, wreaths, and streetlamps dusted in snow. It was pretty. The first snow is always pretty.

Front yard bunny!

At home, a bunny sat in the snow in the front yard, startled and on high alert as I parked the car. He froze and I tried to get some decent photos, but bunny was small and probably 15 feet away across the yard and it was nighttime dark, so the images weren’t that clear. When I moved to enter the house, bunny bolted out of the yard to the neighbors. 

It took less than five minutes for me to shed the coat and hat, greet Kiki, and march upstairs to change into the official staying in on the couch fleece pants. They are aqua with little penguins wearing scarves all over them and are super soft and cozy and the perfect relax at home and unwind after a stressful and expensive week. 

If I could just convince Kiki to join me on the couch, it would be the perfect picture of domestic bliss. Someday.

random thoughts – Day 1,738 – (Thursday) – heat is good

The furnace has been an adventure. The cost was large enough ($8,000+) that I chose the zero-percent, 25-month financing option. The “discount” for paying in full was a pittance at 5% and would mean decimating the emergency fund or taking on 17.99% credit card debt. While this is hardly the time to be taking on new debt, the idea of raiding the emergency fund with potential unemployment looming seemed worse. For once, I was glad The BungaLowell isn’t larger with a bigger system requirement.

The financing had some unexpected challenges. When the application was submitted on Wednesday, I forgot my credit reports are frozen. That led to the application being on hold and a multiple step process for me that included multiple harried phone calls to the finance group before I merrily skipped off to the office for the afternoon, thinking everything was all set.

At 7:20 this morning, instead of seeing a text saying that the crew would arrive at X-o’clock, there was a text from 7:00 with the news the financing application didn’t process yesterday. The finance company wasn’t open for the day yet (their recording told me so). The sales guy sent a website link to resubmit the application that led to a screen saying “Access Denied.” After a couple attempts and several texts, we eventually learned the finance company’s website was down. My stress level was shooting upwards with a trajectory that felt like it would result in my head exploding. My worry was that the installation wouldn’t happen today as planned.

Luckily, after about an hour of coffee and stress, things were sorted out and the crew was on the way.

The new furnace.

I showed then team the basement and the bulkhead access that was a straight line to the furnace location and went upstairs to get to my own work done. From 9:00 until about 3:15, the basement was abuzz with activity. There was periodic banging and clanging, but it wasn’t too terrible. For a while, an electrician joined the festivity. 

The crew was polite and seemed organized. They were meticulous with cleanup. The new heating appliance that rules the basement is fresh and shiny. It has clearly labeled black and white PVC pipes. Warmed air is flowing from the floor vents and the temperature is back to the programmed settings. 

As rough as the jabs to the head, heart, and wallet have been in the past 10 days, there have been some bright spots. Sure, the furnace died this week, but it had the decency to not do so on a weekend or holiday and before the temperatures drop to the 20s this weekend. It cost a mini-fortune to replace, but there was financing available. Yes, it was a sudden expiration with no apparent early symptoms, but the replacement was also very quick. Which is all to say, it could have been worse. And now there is heat, and it is good.

random thoughts – Day 1,737 – (Wednesday) – effity-eff

This week has delivered another exciting installment of “What in the Actual Effi-ty-Eff?” Apparently, major employment uncertainty isn’t enough. Note: several of my friends and colleagues are also going through some extra effity-eff stuff. Tis the season for f*ckery? C'mon Universe, could we catch a break, please?

Anyway.

Slipping out of bed this morning, the room felt chilly. This has happened before, but rarely and due to power outages. The house was quiet. The lights worked, so power loss was not a factor. Downstairs, the thermostat read 58 degrees, providing confirmation that the house was, indeed, chillier than the usual morning automated setting of 68.

After dressing, an amateur investigation began. The gas stove worked and there was hot water, so a gas service problem was ruled out. The basement dwelling metal box furnace has no indicator lights or signals or dials to provide any clues. 

Periodic postcard mailers arrive from various home service firms and are set in a folder called “Home Repairs.” One from the heating and cooling company that installed my hot water tank a few years ago was retrieved.

At 7:00, a call to the heating and cooling company involved a question and answer session with an automated voice that used my name waaaay too much. Like every sentence. I don’t like my name. I especially don’t like hearing it in every sentence in a single call. 

At 8:00, I called the company again hoping to reach a human to determine if I could expect a tech visit today or if I should head to the office as planned and worry about it from afar all day. The news was good. A tech would arrive within the hour. The day's dental appointment, made months ago, was rescheduled to the nearest available slot. In March.

The technician arrived, listened to the day’s symptoms and the normal process, and started exploring the innards of the metal box. I returned to my own work. Before long, there was an update. Some motor- part wasn’t doing its motoring thing. A condensation line has dripped water into the furnace. There is rust. There is collected water. There is “biological matter” in the unit.

The service tech returned to the basement and got busy on his phone. He called at least five parts suppliers looking for the parts needed to repair the 20-year old unit. No parts could be found. By the time he asked me to come downstairs again, I had a pretty good feel for the direction things were headed. The parts to repair the furnace seem to be extinct. The next step was a visit from a “comfort specialist” for an estimate on a new furnace.

The service tech left. The comfort specialist arrived shortly thereafter. He checked out the system and took video with his phone. I headed upstairs to a Zoom meeting while he did his thing. After a while, he came upstairs with two estimates – one for just a furnace (8,000 effing dollars), and one for replacing both the heating and cooling components for more than twice that. Gulp. The immediate heating problem is being addressed and I'm hoping the A/C holds out for a while longer. Or I remember to buy a ticket and win the lottery.

Tomorrow morning, a new furnace is scheduled to arrive “first thing.” In the meantime, the comfort specialist left two portable heaters to provide temporary relief.

High noon from the garage roof.

By 11:45, I was leaving for the office-office for the rest of the day. The original plan had been to work in the morning in the office and go to the dentist for a cracked filling replacement in the afternoon, but the plan was modified due to the furnace situation. Arriving at the garage at midday, I ended up parking on the roof. One elevator is out of service and the other is as slow as cold molasses, but at least the views from up there are interesting.

The funny part, if there is one, is that the office, which is often chilly and inexplicably stuck on the cool setting, was running on the heat setting today and it was warm. High 70s warm. I was mostly okay with it after being cold all morning, but the rest of the team seemed to be wilting from it.

Supper and a heater.

After work, the house was still holding steady at 58 degrees. Supper of a leftover assemblage of boxed stuffing and leftover scrambled meat was nuked and eaten in the living room. The evening's unusual dining companion was a portable heater. There was no conversation, just some crazy clicking and ticking noises that eventually subsided. 

Random fact -- a year ago today, The BungaLowell had a power failure that lasted all afternoon and into the night. The stockpile of candles and flashlights was called into service. Holiday chocolate melting was done with a double boiler on the gas stove flame and surrounded by the glow of pillar candles and an LED lantern. It felt like an adventure, mostly because I was sure it would be temporary.

Tonight, I sit in the living room near a portable heater, a blanket and laptop in my lap as I type words. Netflix is playing Married at First Sight, mostly for the background noise and because it doesn't require my attention or any additional money. Fun times.

random thoughts – Day 1,736 – (Tuesday) – holiday high gear

All the way up until late this afternoon, I was thinking I didn’t have it in me to bake this year. Usually, I make a couple trays of saltine bark and several different cookie recipes and maybe some chocolate dipped pretzels, but this year, I’ve been feeling all sorts of shades of blah. Just think of a muddy mess of the crappiest colors in a 1970s polyester plaid and that's the general feeling. The massive work shakeup thing of last week eviscerated any nuggets of holiday ambition that may have been trying to fight their way up from beneath the baseline of blech.

At 4:00, while running through schedules between today and Christmas I realized with a sense of dread that Christmas is in one short week. Then I realized that this Wednesday, also known as tomorrow, is the last day that everyone will be in the office until after Christmas. And I was hit with suddenly wanting to dive in and make some holiday sweets like I have done every other year. 

Normally, the holiday baking process spans a couple weeks with recipe review and selection, ingredient procurement, and then several nights of loading things into the oven, pulling them out a few minutes later, rotating cookie sheets, and dipping other things in melted chocolate. Not this year. The timeline had contracted dramatically, and as a result, there would be no time for multiple oven bake cycles and cooling things on racks on the limited counter space.

Haystacks chilling on
a bed of ice packs.

There was a quick inventory of the baking supplies cabinet and the list of treats was drafted based on what was on hand. At 5:00, there was a jaunt to Market Basket for a few items needed. By 5:45, I was in the kitchen melting and stirring and mixing and scraping and production was in high gear. Three and a half hours later, production was done for the night. Semi-sweet chocolate coins with sprinkles. Butterscotch chow mein noodle haystacks. Saltine bark with almond slivers (aka Christmas Crack). A chocolate version of the haystacks with potato sticks. White chocolate coins with crushed peppermint.

Thanks to a gift that arrived earlier in the day, there was an accidental discovery of a good idea. A box from Omaha Steaks required the total reorganization of the freezer and eviction of four ice packs which sat on the counter for lack of a better pace. They became an excellent cooling device for the trays of sweets that needed to chill and set. 

Caramel and crackers in the oven.

Later, when the saltine bark base came out of the oven and was topped with chocolate and almonds, there was another idea. After a decade of making the stuff, it finally dawned on me to use the pizza cutter to cut the stuff. It’s smaller than the knives and worked better in the cookie sheet. Between the ice bed and the pizza cutter, I was feeling like a genius.

The genius feeling faded quickly. While cleaning the pans, I noticed my favorite cookie sheet bore the imprint of the cut lines from the pizza cutter. Then, I found the dried apricots I had just bought with the intention of dipping them in chocolate. Everything was already put away, but it wouldn’t take long to re-engage and crank them out. The kicker was that all the stuff for the office was already packaged in containers and locked in the car to solve the joint problems of it not fitting in the refrigerator and fear of forgetting them at home in the morning. 

The whole time I was busting butt in the kitchen, Kiki was meowing at me from the dining room. Approximately every 20 minutes, she would make a cameo appearance in the kitchen to meow at me face to face and louder. Perhaps she was troubled I was not in my usual spot in the living room and felt the need to point it out. Once I was seated on the couch, she was signaling she wanted head pats. She's adorable.

random thoughts – Day 1,735 – (Monday) – meow

As Mondays go, today wasn’t too bad, but that is a relative concept. Last Monday’s shocking, terrible, painful news about the bank being sold and the accompanying likely probability of not having a job for too much longer marked a new low, so most Mondays will probably now be better in comparison. At least until the next round of news.

Meow.

Kiki is being extra special cute lately. I usually eat supper in the living room in front of the TV, and she will stare at me from her chair, slink down from her perch, and walk away as if I disgust her. It’s a dramatic change from the dogs, who would sit at my feet blatantly begging. 

She is more meowy recently, walking around and randomly exhibiting her vocal range and variety of sounds. She will sashay in from the dining room, loop around the footstool, meowing all the way, and sit nearby to look at me and meow some more.

Keeks will run up the stairs with a thundering racket that is disproportionate for her dainty weight of eight pounds, pause halfway, and meow. She will meow again when she reaches the top of the stairs. There is meowing from the dining room when I’m in the living room. I meow back to her, and then wonder what oral contracts I just engaged in.

At 10:00, if I haven’t begun brushing my teeth in preparation for bed, I really catch hell. Kiki will stand in the living room, eyes fixed on me, and meow loudly. It seems she is letting me know that her evening snack is unacceptably tardy and that I’m clearly in violation of the terms of some agreement I previously meowed myself into.  

random thoughts – Day 1,734 – (Sunday) – pupu for two

With my eldest niece in town for the holidays, I hoped to spend some dedicated time with her, and today was the day. We made a plan for lunch, and over the course of a couple days tossed around some potential locations that are open on Sunday. Marcello, a new Italian-Greek restaurant in Fitchburg was a strong contender. Arisu, the Korean place I love is only open certain Sundays of the month and therefore out. Burgers and chain restaurants are available everywhere and were ruled out.

There was one question that helped us really zero in on a spot. I asked Niece what she can have here that she can’t get in Vegas. In addition to the fresh seafood we had at a family lunch last weekend, and decent takeout steak and cheese subs, one of the illuminating answers was Chinese food that isn’t from Panda Express. When I mentioned that Singapore Restaurant in Fitchburg has reopened, we knew where we wanted to go.

Pupu platter, lo mein, crab rangoon.

We arrived around noon, and once inside, started taking inventory of what felt the same with the new ownership and what seemed different. The vestibule felt familiar but different. The lounge looked similar with the heavy decorative columns at the bar, but with a fresh, new yellow vinyl tufted high back banquette running along a wall. The main dining room still has the carved wood ornamentation and felt familiar but slightly fresher. 

We ordered a pupu platter for two, pork lo mein, and crab rangoons, because crab rangoons weren’t mentioned on the list of items in the pupu platter description. When the platter arrived, instead of the old Singapore sectioned serving dish with a sterno flame in the middle, it was delivered on a boring, institutional metal tray. There were several crab rangoons included along with the shrimp, chicken fingers, chicken wings, boneless spare ribs, and teriyaki skewers. We sat there with a table full of memories and it tasted just like home. Between the platter and the side order, we had plenty of crab rangoons. Boxes of leftovers came away with us.

Low budget repair.

Before leaving Singapore, I visited the rest room, which felt very different. The walls were covered in gleaming tile. The first stall I tried to enter had a door that slammed into the wall. I headed for the larger accessible stall. That one had a latch that was attached with duct tape. It was definitely a low-budget, DIY solution. 

After lunch, we went to Ocean State Job Lot because I thought I had seen pajamas with microfleece bottoms and tee shirt knit tops advertised recently. If there had been any once, there were none left today, but the amazing abundance of socks offered up cashmere blend and merino blend which I love. I ended up with socks, nail polish, and the only box of Celestial Seasonings Raspberry Zinger tea we found in the aisle of teas. Neice found some Steve Madden sunglasses. For an unplanned side quest, we did pretty well. 

It was a great afternoon all around. We had conversation and dining in a room full of memories and flavors, followed by shopping with no stress and no particular objective. It was perfect.

random thoughts – Day 1,733 – (Saturday) – service and decor

Christmas decorating
is nearly done.

After failing to schedule my oil change and 60,000 mile service for several consecutive weeks, I finally remembered to call the Jeep dealership last week. Yes, it probably costs more going there, but they frequently send postcards with specials and discounts and the waiting room is always well stocked with granola bars and other snacks plus the coffee machine and fridge of cold drinks. 

The appointment was at 8:30 this morning. Thanks to light traffic and an absence of annoyances on the drive, I was outside the service area at 8:15 and checked in and seated in the waiting area by 8:20. The tech doing the check-in seemed unconcerned about my complaint about the tires losing pressure every two weeks (the warning came on again this morning, just two weeks after the last go-round). He said it's because of the cold, which would be plausible if not for the fact this is my fourth winter with this vehicle and I'm pretty sure it got cold during the other three and I definitely didn't need to get air every two or three weeks. 

In the waiting room, just like at the dentist’s office, the TV was playing a real estate show. Today is was the one where a decorator and contractor update the people’s existing home while a realtor tries to move them into a new place and then they have to choose to sell the renovated home and buy a new one, or stay put. Like most allegedly unscripted “reality” shows, it felt fake, but was still mildly entertaining.

The table is comically
far from the seats.

I enjoyed two relaxing hours in the waiting lounge. I had a cup of mochachino from the fancy coffee machine and a granola bar with peanut butter. The drink had to be set on the floor because the large coffee table is too far from the seats placed around it to be useful. Luckily, I didn't knock it over.

I read a couple chapters in a novel (How to Not Die Alone) and played Words with Friends and Woodoku on my phone. There were six or seven of us in the room and it was mostly quiet. Exceptions were when my lug sole boots squeaked on the floor at an embarrassing volume when I got coffee and then went to the trash with the empty cup, and when the much older couple who would be wise to invest in hearing aids tried talking to each other. It was painful. Holy Crap. 

Back at home, some signs of Christmas were hung – wreaths on each side of the front door and one on the bathroom closet door. A snowflake tree topper is set out like a piece of décor. Tinsel trees on the table in the enclosed porch. It might be done for this year. 

There were art exhibit receptions, open studios, and holiday markets happening today but I didn’t make it to any of them. The auto service took a ding out of the wallet and the newly derailed career prospects have taken a lot of wind out of my sails. The choice to lay low at home felt comfortable at the time, but was regretted later when I saw photos of friends and by friends at the reception for an exhibit.

random thoughts – Day 1,732 – (Friday) – cold out

It was colder today than I expected. Yes, I know it’s December. Yes, I know there are weather apps and other means for checking the current and forecasted conditions. For some reason, today I neglected to check the technological wonders available to me before leaving for the office. I rejected my warm coat with a hood and put on my leather coat. At least it was the longer one that goes to mid-thigh and not the short one. I grabbed the green leather gloves, and as an afterthought, a lightweight hat that I wore indoors last year when I was cold.

When I got outside, it was cold, but the car is barely 15 steps from the back door. I had remote started the car but not very early and had turned the heat off yesterday when I parked the car. The engine, steering wheel, and seat were warmed up, but not the air in the cabin. I figured the day would warm up by the time I wanted to go for an afternoon walk. 

It didn’t get warmer. Colleagues went out and when they came back in, the report was “Brrrr, it’s cold.” The top temperature of the day was 30 degrees. Ugh. I never went out until it was time to leave for the day. I'm a weenie like that.

The tree in the office.

As cold as it was outside, there was some warmth inside. One or more colleagues decorated the office Christmas Tree recently and it looks great. As I punched the button to the first floor, as the elevator doors closed, the tree was the last thing I saw as I mentally braced for the cold. It stood between two lamps that glowed soft and warm and pretty. 

Maybe I’ll put one (or more) of my trees up. Maybe not. I can’t decide. I love the warm glow of the lights, but I’m dreading the idea of digging all the stuff out and clearing a space and setting it up and so on and so on. Until then, I’ll enjoy the tree at work.

random thoughts – Day 1,731 – (Thursday) – knish nosh

The past week has seen several random visits to grocery stores while en route to other destinations. Last Friday morning, a text message came in at 7:30 that my Christmas photo cards were ready at Walgreen’s. They had been ordered the previous night at 10:30 and it was surprising they were ready so quickly. The timing was perfect and there was time to collect them before work.

The traffic between my house and the shopping plaza on Bridge Street was nearly nonexistent on that particular morning at that particular hour and I was in front of Walgreen’s at 7:45. Too bad the store doesn’t open until 8:00. No big deal. I went next door to Market Basket because it was there and I had a few minutes.

Two loaves of bakery discount rack bread, a pack of cheese ends heavy on provolone, and a package of knishes from the deli later, and I was out the door. I didn’t even know MB sold knishes, so it was an exciting discovery. I haven’t had a knish in years. By 8:30, I was at my desk and logging onto the system, already feeling like I had conquered the day.

On Sunday, on the way home from the performance in Cambridge, the parking lot at Market Basket on Fletcher Street wasn’t packed and so, pursuant to my personal policy, I had to go inside. A container of salmon bits from the deli and a few other items were gathered. Unfortunately, I forgot the mustard I wanted to dress the knishes.

Olive oil a
smidge too tall.

Today, I had an appointment not far from a Hannaford location, where I had a coupon for $10 off a $25 order. My list was short – olive oil, mustard, and whatever helped meet the $25 target. 

On the way into the store, a baking supplies display inspired the grabbing of three bags of baking chips. Mustard was found and collected. The entire wall of olive oil was studied at length. After being low and rationing olive oil for a month, I went for the big one. In a panic, a large can of coffee was added. I don’t need it right now, but lately when I’ve been looking for it, the options have been limited.

Now the challenge is putting away the olive oil and coffee. The olive oil bottle is about one inch too tall to fit on the most easily accessible bottom shelf of the cabinet. The coffee cannister is too large to fit almost anywhere.

Knish and mustard.

Suppertime meant time for a couple knishes. There were two cooking options noted on the package. A 350-degree regular oven for about 15 minutes or microwave for two minutes. The toaster oven was called to service and two knishes were heated. They were delicious, but ten minutes later, I was still hungry. 

The remaining two knishes were heated in the microwave and were good, but soggy compared to the oven heated ones. That depleted the reserve of knishes and ended the evening’s science experiments. Now I want to go to a Jewish deli for knishes, latkes, and other delicious deli dishes. Maybe it's time for a trip to New York.

random thoughts – Day 1,730 – (Wednesday) – cold and balmy

Rain was promised. Rain came. It was accompanied by the gray cloud cover that carries the rain (obviously) and fog that provided a mysterious quality to the air. Because of the rain, the parking garage had the indoor water feature activated and the usual massive puddles in place.

The volume of rainfall varied throughout the day from barely a mist floating in the air to heavy like a fire hose on full blast. The forecast also called for potential thunderstorms and hazardous wind gusts up to 60 miles per hour later in the day and into the night and National Grid sent out a message on Tuesday about preparing for storms. 

At the office, when it was around 36 degrees outside earlier in the day, for reasons beyond all comprehension of any of the occupants of the fourth-floor suite, the air cooling system was on. Again. In anticipation, I had dressed in what I thought might be overkill with a base layer, merino wool pullover sweater, and a cardigan. It wasn't excessive and I was cold. Removing the cardigan layer was never a consideration.

Condensation
on John Street.

Even the facilities team is puzzled by this recurring air cooling situation. We are unable to change the setting from cool to heat, so my solution was to boost the temperature setting to 78 degrees to at least stop the chilled air from blowing down on us from the overhead ductwork. Some colleagues had their heaters going under their desks, just like all summer.

By the time we left work, the temperature had risen to 60 balmy degrees outside (also forecasted). That's normal for New England in December, right? A light rain fell in the warm air and downtown windows were covered in foggy condensation.

Outside the parking garage, it was possible to enjoy the balmy outside air and also the feel of refrigerated air that emanated from the entrance/exit of the garage. It was interesting and odd and reminded me of standing at the mouth of Dunbar Cave in Clarksville Tennessee in the hot and humid summer weather. Inside the garage, the temperature was significantly cooler than out on the street.

One of many conversations at the office today was about feeling dehydrated in the winter and how hard it is to hydrate. I prefer drinking chilled water, but I’m already too cold in the winter to drink chilled water. I usually end up nuking mugs of tea all night long. Or just not. 

Tonight, as I reached into the cabinet for the usual eight or ten ounce coffee cup for my evening Raspberry Zinger tea, I spotted a solution, right there in front of my face. A glass beer mug. Duh!

Raspberry Zinger
in a big mug.

A couple big beer mugs have resided in the same cabinet as the smaller coffee mugs for the entire time I’ve lived here. There are a few more that permanently live in the refrigerator due to space and the idea of pouring beer into a chilled mug (which I never think to do). Once or twice, I used a big mug for a slightly elaborate hot cocoa with whipped cream and some whiskey. 

Until tonight, it never occurred to me use a big beer mug for a larger pour of tea. There have been some ripple effects. On one hand, I need fewer trips to the kitchen to refill and heat smaller mugs of tea. On the other hand, I just cut my nighttime activity level in half. Life is all about tradeoffs.

random thoughts – Day 1,729 – (Tuesday) – slightly less stressed

The jarring news of Monday was alleviated today. There was an information session tonight with the leaders of the acquiring bank and team members of my bank. The drive out of Lowell wasn’t too bad, and then it felt like a parade of vehicles turning into the Westford Regency Inn and Conference Center. I felt a bit like I was attending a funeral while crossing the parking lot to the hotel. It was weird. 

There were three festive Christmas trees glowing warmly in a nearby corner of the meeting room. As lovely as the trees were, the prevailing mood in the room was leaning a bit towards somber.

The bank leadership team with executives from retail, commercial, wealth, operations and technology, HR, and the CEO told us about themselves and their areas of the bank, and how they landed with the organization. They shared the many ways our two banks are similar. This isn’t their first acquisition (one leader is on their 12^th) and they clearly have a system in place. I trust they know what they are doing.

We were able to submit questions in advance and many of these were addressed by the various leaders. The answers provided were direct and reassuring. It helped. A lot. What a difference good communication makes. The general mood was a lot lighter after the presentation. Most of the colleagues I chatted with felt relieved after the meeting.

Warming trays all in a row.

There was a buffet outside the meeting room. I neglected to check out the food before the meeting and was starving by the end, so I pounced and grazed. I explored the meatballs, spring rolls, crab rangoons, and meat on a stick. There were also cookies and brownies. 

My socializing took place near the buffet with a plate in hand instead of in the ballroom with most of the attendees. It was less crowded out there, so I didn't get all weird and awkward. 

It's a relief to have heard about the process for this next chapter from the folks in charge. We'll all be mostly okay.

random thoughts – Day 1,728 – (Monday) – surprise!

Some days are full of surprises and today was certainly one of them. There was a highly unusual early morning text message from work referencing a message we needed to read and an all-team online meeting at 8:45. This never happens. This did not feel good.

It was a remote day for me, and I considered changing things up and heading in to the office. It would have required changing out of jeans and into dress pants and the shoes that go with them and grabbing some lunch to take with me. That might have worked in the wedge of time available, but suddenly my colleagues and I were involved in a flurry of text messages with each other and I was simultaneously logging into the system to see the referenced message and there were more texts and then it was too late to change clothes, get to the office on time, and be logged in for the meeting. I stayed put and sat tight.

The news, which is now public, is that the independent, community bank I work for is being acquired by a larger, regional community bank. They are a lot like us, just operating in a different but adjacent geography.

It’s shocking. Stressful. Depressing. Exciting, but maybe not for me. I'm trying to keep an open mind. I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse that I’ve already been through this once before. Some will come out of it with jobs and mostly unscathed and others won’t be so lucky. 

There have been assurances provided about some areas of the bank. The assumption from some of us on my team is that every back-office role already has a currently staffed counterpart in the acquiring organization. This is what happened the last time I rode this crazy ride and ended up leaving the field for years.

So that was the shadow that hung over the entire day. It will be interesting. Which is not always a fun thing, but most likely won’t be dull.

Salmon, broccoli, onions.

To cheer myself up and exert some control over something, I cooked. A delicious and reasonably healthy supper of salmon, broccoli, and onions was prepared. It worked, and I felt in control of the few minutes it took to cook and eat.

Soon, I found myself stress eating creamy peanut butter on Ritz crackers, followed by more peanut butter straight from the jar. The fleeting sense of control from earlier was gone. The false comfort of the peanut butter didn't last for very long, either. It rarely does.