random thoughts – Day 2,187 (Friday) – ruins

Roman ruins, March 2023.

Three years ago on this date (March 13), four friends and I were in Rome. Usually, we traveled together to resort hotels on beaches with buffets, restaurants, beverage plans, and waiters who delivered to the chaise lounges on the beach. In Rome, we stayed in a lovely hotel located a short walk from Trevi Fountain. The Coliseum was down the street. Ruins were everywhere, nestled between buildings. 

We walked for hours every day, exploring the city’s ruins, museums, churches, cafes, and restaurants. We took day trips to Pompeii and Tivoli and learned that hotel-booked tours pick you up at your hotel and bring you to the site, but they don’t necessarily bring you back where they picked you up (or at all). We drank coffee, Aperol Spritzes, and lovely wines and ate pizza, fresh pasta, pastries and gelato. There were grotto restaurants and sidewalk cafes. The hotel breakfast area had a view of the nearby rooftops. It was wonderful.

What a difference three years makes. Back then, I had a decent amount of vacation time and a decent salary that led me to the strategic decision to to endure a dead-end job for several more years because retirement age was creeping closer and starting over somewhere else would likely mean less vacation time. Then, last year, the merger swooped in and snatched away the job I was willing to tolerate. And nine months after the layoff, I’m still trying to start over and find another job in a market crowded with new graduates and hundreds of other experienced, laid off professionals. Advertised roles with my former job title include the responsibilities handled by three or four people on my old team and pay half the salary. Breaking into a new area seems even more impossible.

At Trevi Fountain, March 2023.

The stress of the past year has loomed large and overshadowed any fun stuff. Luckily, I have photos to prove to myself I used to be a visible, productive member of society who sometimes traveled instead of the feral remnant of that person who now looks for a job, tries to not spend money, and sometimes gets stuck dwelling on the ruins of a former life. 

Maybe I need to return to Trevi Fountain and make a better wish. I’m pretty sure in 2023 I wished for dumb shit like romance and happiness (and that hasn't worked out), but maybe I should have wished for financial stability and a job that lasted until full retirement age. Live and learn.