random thoughts – Day 2,187 (Friday) – ruins

Roman ruins, March 2023.

Three years ago on this date (March 13), four friends and I were in Rome. Usually, we traveled together to resort hotels on beaches with buffets, restaurants, beverage plans, and waiters who delivered to the chaise lounges on the beach. In Rome, we stayed in a lovely hotel located a short walk from Trevi Fountain. The Coliseum was down the street. Ruins were everywhere, nestled between buildings. 

We walked for hours every day, exploring the city’s ruins, museums, churches, cafes, and restaurants. We took day trips to Pompeii and Tivoli and learned that hotel-booked tours pick you up at your hotel and bring you to the site, but they don’t necessarily bring you back where they picked you up (or at all). We drank coffee, Aperol Spritzes, and lovely wines and ate pizza, fresh pasta, pastries and gelato. There were grotto restaurants and sidewalk cafes. The hotel breakfast area had a view of the nearby rooftops. It was wonderful.

What a difference three years makes. Back then, I had a decent amount of vacation time and a decent salary that led me to the strategic decision to to endure a dead-end job for several more years because retirement age was creeping closer and starting over somewhere else would likely mean less vacation time. Then, last year, the merger swooped in and snatched away the job I was willing to tolerate. And nine months after the layoff, I’m still trying to start over and find another job in a market crowded with new graduates and hundreds of other experienced, laid off professionals. Advertised roles with my former job title include the responsibilities handled by three or four people on my old team and pay half the salary. Breaking into a new area seems even more impossible.

At Trevi Fountain, March 2023.

The stress of the past year has loomed large and overshadowed any fun stuff. Luckily, I have photos to prove to myself I used to be a visible, productive member of society who sometimes traveled instead of the feral remnant of that person who now looks for a job, tries to not spend money, and sometimes gets stuck dwelling on the ruins of a former life. 

Maybe I need to return to Trevi Fountain and make a better wish. I’m pretty sure in 2023 I wished for dumb shit like romance and happiness (and that hasn't worked out), but maybe I should have wished for financial stability and a job that lasted until full retirement age. Live and learn.

random thoughts – Day 2,186 (Thursday) – progress

Receding snowline.

It wasn’t as warm today as recent days, but it was still above freezing and the snow continued to melt. Behind my house, the snow on the small hill is receding like a middle-aged hairline and is free of snow at the top. 

Even with all the snowfall this year, it looks like it will be drought conditions again this spring/summer. I read an article recently that said the groundwater table is reported to still be low and it has to do with the speed of the snow melting and running off the ground instead of melting into the ground. Or something like that. I'm not exactly a scientist or an environmentalist and sometimes I half-read articles and learn just enough to be dangerous. I guess I won't be launching my home car wash or laundry service this year, either. Phew.

I managed to miss out on engaging with nature during the past two warm, springlike days. I was shopping and lunching one day, and stress sweating in a dentist chair for a chunk of the next day. Today, in weather that was 30 degrees cooler than a few days ago, I walked to get the mail. It’s the second time I have walked to the mailbox since last fall (but who is counting?). 

The snowbanks have melted back, the street is its full width again, and it wasn’t wet or windy or sub-zero temperatures, so I laced up my sneakers, put on a coat, hat, and gloves, and walked. My neck was cold because I recklessly thought I wouldn’t need a scarf, and that made me walk quickly so I could get back to the warmth of the house.

The only mail today was the replacement sunglass clip ordered from the company I bought glasses from a few years ago. I lost the original sunglass clip a year ago, and despite my fantasies of finding it under the seat in my car or in a tote bag or a coat pocket, it hasn’t turned up. Every sunny day I would mourn the loss of the clip on shades and I finally caved and ordered a new one. This means I'll probably find the old one any second now.

Working on the 4" x 4" canvas.

And after a month of overthinking, procrastinating, and searching through images, yesterday I finally started my 4” by 4” canvas for the art auction at The Brush Gallery in a couple weeks. The outside edges of the canvas were painted black. Today, the final selection of the photo for the front was made. Even though the photo had originally been printed at the correct size, it was a smidge longer on one edge and required trimming of about 1/32 of an inch which I labored over for far too long.  Apparently, I like to torture myself with such details and knew I wouldn't sleep for a week if I didn't trim it. Now it just needs three or four coats of Mod Podge to seal it all and I can deliver it next week.

random thoughts – Day 2,185 (Wednesday) – teeth and mood

After waking up with some coffee and Wordle, at 10:00 this morning I called the dentist. The temporary crown that broke off Tuesday night while eating cheese had not miraculously regenerated overnight to be whole again. The best case scenario I hoped for was that the permanent crown, ordered last week and scheduled for delivery next week, had already come in from the lab. The December crown had arrived from the lab in a week, so I knew it wasn’t totally unreasonable.

Luck was with me, the crown was in, and I was booked for a 12:00 appointment. Sometimes when things in my world go sideways, they at least have the decency to have favorable timing. At departure time, a paperback book went into my bag in case there was a wait, and I hit the road.

I was barely one page into my book when the dental assistant called my name. There were x-rays, poking, prodding, and the removal of the remainder of the temporary crown. My gums were poked, prodded, and pushed up to accommodate the margins of the crown. The new crown was ready to go in. There were several attempts, a lot of fussing and minor drilling. It didn’t fit. The scanner wand, which is too big for my mouth, was stuffed in there anyway for more 3D images. My jaw ached.

In the end, a new temporary crown was installed. A new permanent crown was ordered. It was another two-hour episode in the dental chair before I was released. I felt like I’d been punched in the head and dragged behind a truck. My dental misadventures are starting to feel like a boring mini-series.

From the dentist I went to my favorite gas station to top off the tank, where the gas that was $2.999 last Wednesday was $3.199 today. Then I headed home. I was hungry and my stomach was rumbling. A Friendly Fribble seemed like just the thing to soothe my mouth and fill my stomach so I stopped at Friendly’s and got one.

The dental appointment was draining. My gums ached and throbbed. I felt cold and sat on the couch like a potato for most of the afternoon, still in my outdoor jacket. By suppertime, I perked up a bit and took off the jacket. An Aldi store brand frozen pizza was heated. It was hard to eat on one side of my mouth, but I wasn’t risking offending the already abused other side of my mouth with crunchy edges. It’s finally starting to feel better than earlier today. Tomorrow it will feel better.

Snow melting.

The recent warm temperatures have been appreciated. It was 66 degrees on Tuesday, and 56 degrees today. It has led to some snowmelt in the back yard, with patches of earth and rocks showing. Seeing the fallen leaves and the rocks lightened my mood.  Next up in the mood improving department is the the Love is Blind: Ohio season reunion on Netflix. Every little bit helps.

random thoughts – Day 2,184 (Tuesday) – sunshine and monkey wrench

It was a pleasant day with a cloud-free blue sky, sunshine, and warm temperatures. The best part might have been not hearing the furnace kick on a million times. 

New books!

Another bright spot was spending time with Mom and Sis. We went to Dollar Tree, where we each stocked up on greeting cards among other budget friendly items like toilet paper, paper towels and aluminum foil. I overshot my shopping list when I hit the aisle with books for $1.50. I got four books including one by Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles, and a cookbook I chose when I flipped through it and saw the recipe for Shredded Cabbage Fritters.

After Dollar Tree we went real old school and went to Friendly’s for lunch. Yes, Gardner still has a Friendly’s. It has been decades since the last time I was in a Friendly’s. We each got a Fishamajig®, and it is still delicious. The accompanying fries were the perfect level of crispness. The Happy Ending Sundaes had creamy ice cream and hot fudge. I hope it’s not a million years before I go there again.

Tuesday's dance space.

Dance group was productive. We meet in a space in a church, with a decent wood floor and a stage. Tonight we worked on four group dances for our June show which is in the same space we practice in. The dances are coming along nicely. To make up for the bad weather cancellation last week we went a half-hour longer tonight and will do so again next week.

Overall, it was a great day, at least until a monkey wrench was tossed into the works. I decided to have some provolone cheese for an evening snack, and wouldn’t you know it, the temporary crown that required 2.5 hours in the dentist chair last Wednesday broke. On cheese. What. The. Heck. What remains is jagged and feels gross. The permanent crown is supposed to be done next Wednesday. I guess I’ll be calling the dentist in the morning.

random thoughts – Day 2,183 (Monday) – another OCD day

Tarnished.

Another day, another variety of activities and annoyances. At 8:30 this morning, there was a call from an 800-number that has called several times in recent weeks, with no messages left. Curious, I answered, and it was someone claiming to be from Comcast/Xfinity. From the start it felt scammy. First, there was dead air when I answered the phone and it took a few seconds before there was a click and then a voice on the line. The caller, in a heavily accented voice, said they had been notified of a security alert with my internet connection. They asked if I was at home.

It felt shady and I responded that the call felt like a scam and I was hanging up. I checked the phone number online and it’s been frequently reported over several years as a scam that spoofs a Comcast 800-number and attempts to get banking info. I knew it felt off. Maybe I should have stayed on the line and consumed the scammer's time to allow less time for calling other people. Maybe next time I'll think of it.

Cleaned up and shiny.

Much of the day was spent cleaning and mending the second coin belt. This one went a couple hours faster than Sunday’s coin belt marathon cleaning project because this belt had fewer coins in the larger size, and is made entirely of metal parts with no beads that needed to be avoided. 

The coins were quite tarnished and my hands were black with grime until it occurred to me to wear gloves, which I bought for doing tie-dying. Duh. This would have saved my poor fingers yesterday. The second belt now looks shiny and new. Once I get some jump rings and another OCD episode I will clean up and mend the remaining belt.

It was warm today, but my only encounter with the great outdoors was when I rolled the trash bin to the curb and then took it back up the driveway a couple hours later. There were birds singing their little hearts out this morning in the bushes out front and it was nice to hear them. It will be nice when spring settles in.

random thoughts – Day 2,182 (Sunday) – manual labor

On Saturday, I bought three previously used metal coin belts and several other dance costume elements from another dancer. When metal coin belts are worn for dance class or in performances, connecting jump rings can get loose and time tends to cause the metal components to tarnish.

On Sunday, after driving to dance group in dense fog that felt like the setting for a Stephen King story, then returning home in much clearer conditions, I set to work mending the belts. This is exactly the kind of project to grab my attention and hold it for hours. More than six hours today, to be a bit more exact.

I consulted a couple sources online for guidance on how to clean the metal belts. I checked the instructions on the Barkeepers Friend I used to clean my dance zills to a brilliant shine a couple weeks ago. Then, I set up shop in the living room with the jewelry pliers, some jump rings, a couple old towels and wash cloths, a bowl of water, and the Barkeepers. The latest season of Love is Blind played on the TV for company and chances to randomly yell at participants.

One down, two more to go.

The first belt features more than 130 beaded strands (yes, I counted) with a metal coin at end of each one. The top edge of the belt is constructed of a metal underlayment with small coins attached on the front. Each and every one of the coins on the belt was individually cleaned and taken from a brassy orangey tone to a softer golden tone. There is no faster way I know of to have it come out consistently cleaner. It took all afternoon, and another couple hours after a supper break for some soup.

The process of cleaning was a great way to see where jump rings were detached or missing and fix or replace them. The belt was also too long, so I removed a couple of the beaded strands to shorten it and used the beads to repair some strands that had beads missing.

A second belt was examined to determine what repairs (and supplies) are needed. Mostly, it needs about a dozen jump rings replaced to reconnect the under layer, some medallions reattached, and to be cleaned up. This will require buying jump rings in a size I don't have on hand. The third belt needs the coins cleaned and to be shortened. 

My fingers now need some time to heal from the manual labor and abuse of hours of rubbing hundreds of coins with a damp terry cloth towel and then drying them. Then I can move to the other belts and the construction of a coin bra before choosing a fresh, not yet discovered, temporary obsession to occupy my time and keep me from boring household chores like vacuuming rugs, alphabetizing the spice cabinet, and arranging for service on the dryer that has become an amusement park ride for the clothes that now come out well tumbled and still damp.

random thoughts – Day 2,181 (Saturday) – fancy late night

The day began with an unconventional breakfast of the rice and black bean concoction that was Friday’s lunch and supper. When I get on a food kick I tend to ride it to the end.

A friend picked me up a short time later so we could meet with a dancer to shop a treasure trove of costume components and accessories and specifically saris which we can use to make other costumes. We returned to our homes with armloads of dance coin belts, trims, veils, jewelry, and saris. 

Back at home, there was time to relax for a minute before dressing for the night's museum gala, which was made easier than usual by having planned the outfit on the dress form earlier in the week. In the past, there would be a mental list of potential outfit ideas and I would wait until the day of an event to check my mood, try on a slew of outfits, and have a full-blown case of panic before deciding what to wear. This new way felt a lot more civilized. A couple times in years past, I attended events on behalf of the bank as a fill-in for someone who couldn’t make it and didn’t know I was attending until the day of the event, so the outfit timing wasn't always my fault. It could get a little crazy, especially if it was a themed event, but it was always fun.

It was crowded in the gallery
during the remarks.

Tonight’s night out in society was Fitchburg Art Museum’s 100^th Anniversary celebration, and the galleries are stuffed floor to ceiling with works from their extensive collection. The old art mixed with the new and made for a colorful and eclectic exhibit that included paintings by Eleanor Norcross, the founder of the museum. The wall colors in the galleries are painted gorgeous deep greens and blues and the art really pops on the walls. 

"Whimsical."

People dressed up for the event and attire included tuxedo with cummerbund; many sequin-crusted dresses, tops, and jackets; long dresses; dress pants; neck ties and bow ties with suits. It is exactly the sort of attire I love. 

I opted to embrace the “colorful” and “kaleidoscope” terms in the event description and wore a chiffon ruffled skirt, light pink sparkling boots, a purple sequin top and hip scarf, and a multicolor kimono-type robe, and topped it all with a multicolor fascinator. Not to brag (ha!) but one guy liked my boots, five people said they liked my "headpiece," and one museum staffer said I had “the most whimsical outfit of the night.” Thank you indeed. I saw a couple dancer friends and a former bank colleague and it was fun to chat and catch up.

The catering was a colorful array of fruits, vegetables, cheeses, cold cuts, crackers, bread, hummus and dips, along with passed hors d’oeuvres including homemade waffle bites with blackberries and cream, guava empanadas, Thai chicken skewers, and crostini. The desserts featured brownies, thick cookies, and cannoli. It was all tasty and I’m pretty sure I tasted it all.

There was an interactive art wall which involved pulling a tile from a jar and drawing the image from the tile onto a card and hanging it on a grid marked on the wall to create a much larger artwork. My friends and I all got into the colored pencils and got busy.  It was a cool idea and really fun.

One of the interactive art walls.

The event ended at 9:00 which was perfect. My friends and I traded stories about what a typical (non-gala) evening would look like and in all cases, it involved being in comfortable clothes on our respective couches by 7:30 and mentally preparing for bed. We joked out being awake and out “so late.” But we were glad to be dressed up and mingling with other fancy folks, looking at art, and eating fancy food.

It’s funny how the concept of “late” changes with age. In our 20s, we would just be getting ready to go out at 9:00 and now at that hour we are ready to head home and are plotting exits. Sleeping “late” when I was younger meant noon or early afternoon, and now I feel like I’m getting up late if it’s after 7:00 a.m.

random thoughts – Day 2,180 (Friday) – searching and yearning

I was looking for accessories to finish off an outfit for an event on Saturday, which is described with terms including “colorful” and “kaleidoscope.” Specifically, I was looking for a couple narrow sequin belt/scarf things or a fringed tuxedo scarf. In doing so, I found my two heavy coin dance belts, bought when I first began belly dancing. They look great but tangle easily and I almost never use them. In Tennessee, they hung as valances in my two bedroom windows. In Massachusetts, they have lived in a storage bag and I often thought about again using them to adorn windows.

The discovery of the belts led to a search for a couple jump rings (quite literally – two jump rings) to mend a spot in the belt chosen to hang in a window. That required fetching the jewelry and chain maille tools and sorting through a limited quantity of rings in a supplies box which doesn’t have the full inventory of rings because I can’t remember where those are. The belt was mended and then I needed hooks to hang it from the nearby curtain rods.

Christmas ornament hooks were easily found but too flimsy, the supply of s-hooks is missing somewhere in the stained glass making elements, but large paper clips seemed like a possibility. The search for paper clips involved a search of two desk drawers, a file cabinet pencil drawer, and three cabinets. I felt like an investigator looking for clues and evidence. The step stool and a hammer were required. The several additional side quests to the new main quest which was actually a side quest to the original main mission consumed a large portion of the morning.

The paper clips worked with a small modification, once again illustrating my MacGyver-like prowess, instilled during a youth and adolescence of needing to make do with what was available. I learned that a lack of funds breeds creativity. Fun fact – Mom’s cousin, who I met through a genealogy site, informed me that we are cousins to Richard Dean Anderson, who played the original MacGyver (1985). So there.

Coin belt as a window valance.

The coin belt was hung in the bay window and the living room vibe moved a couple degrees towards bohemian. Maybe that will inspire me to finally hang some art. It’s been more than seven months here and the walls are not talking to me about art, but maybe the windows will guide me. All the stuff pulled out to hang the coin belt was returned to the proper locations.

The search for accessories for the event outfit led to finding even more potential outfits that I wish I had thought of a few days ago. “Out of sight, out of mind” is a harsh reality for me and I need to remember to take a breath and shop my own closets before I race out to a store. In this case, I spent $23 at The Salvation Army Store for a skirt and blouse that might work for the event plus a summer dress that I might actually wear, then changed my mind on the event outfit a couple days later when I found the exact type of skirt I originally had in mind for $11 in a consignment store. 

After buying the new old things, I remembered at least four other garments that were packed away for winter or in the dance costume stuff that would have been great for this event. Someone please invite me to a bunch of fancy events, because I have many fun wardrobe options waiting for a chance to come out and play. Anyway. The outfit for the museum soiree is finalized and I am eagerly anticipating this event.

It started with rice.

In the early afternoon, tired from hours of running around, climbing the step stool, fetching things, and returning things, the train of thought had reached its caboose and I wanted rice. 

That is how some meals are built. I wanted rice, then I had to figure out what to do with some rice, because a bowl of plain rice has limited appeal. The desire for rice turned into a pan full of black beans, plant-based “meat” crumbles, chopped onion, mushrooms, spicy tomatoes, and queso to go with the rice, plus corn chips and guacamole. Usually, I make this dish because I want an excuse to eat corn chips or guac, but today it was because I wanted rice. It was delicious. It was repeated for supper.

Things really slowed down after lunch. There was minimal guilt because the morning was plenty busy with the train of thought running off the track all over the place. The dress form where the outfit had been built was stripped and the outfit was laid out for Saturday. The mail was fetched. I dove back into the costume dramas I love, which today happened to be the rest of The Forsyte Saga, which has entertained me since I finished the latest episodes of Bridgerton a couple days ago. Damn, fashion used to be so glamourous and exciting. Now it's all althleisure and jeans. I was definitely born in the wrong fashion timeline. 

random thoughts – Day 2,179 (Thursday) – freezing rain and soup

Wednesday was warm enough for things to be melty, and today was in the 40s, but by 8:00 tonight it was back to freezing temperatures and frozen crispy rain pinging on the windows and a change to snow  forecast for later. The weekend promises 40s and 50s, so based on the past few days and the forecast, it seems we are in the seesaw weather season. It’s freezing – no, it’s warm – never mind, it’s cold again – and so on. We can count on multiple seasons in a week, and even in one day. Growing up, it was always talked about like this is a condition unique to New England, but Middle Tennessee had remarkably similar wild weather mood swings.

Soup starter and a full freezer.

The vegetable broth on the stove today was started the other day. The days this week have all smooshed together, so it's hard to know exactly which day it was. After straining out the onion skins and broccoli stems, carrots, chopped onions, potato, and mixed frozen vegetables and some leftover spaghetti sauce were added and it simmered for a couple hours. It needs mushrooms next, and some garlic, but I was already bored with  working on the vegetable soup. 

The kettle was divided into three containers for the freezer and another one for the fridge. And once again, the freezer, which briefly had space for some ice cream that was never bought, is again stuffed full. It's a good situation to be in.

In all likelihood, tomorrow’s lunch will feature vegetable soup, but I could change my mind before then and concoct some baked dish or make a plate of cheese and crackers instead. Food on a whim and making things up as I go is one of my favorite things about being a so-called adult.

random thoughts – Day 2,178 (Wednesday) – appointment and errands

Back in the chair.

It’s been several weeks since I last visited the dentist, so today I went in for another visit. The December visits were for a crown needed due to a broken tooth. January’s visit was for routine cleaning. February was blissfully dentist-free.

The March appointments are strategic. There is a tooth with a crack along a filling that would most likely break eventually and we are controlling the timing of the event. Today, we began the prep work for a crown. I thought the appointment would take about an hour, but the dentist was running behind and I enjoyed 2.5 hours in the chair. If it had been a massage chair, it would have been swell. The piped in office music was blues, which I prefer to the country that is sometimes playing. In two weeks, I return for the formal coronation and final emptying of the wallet. 

From the dental chair, when I wasn’t reclined with a bunch of stuff in my mouth, I had a view of the traffic in and out of the dispensary in the plaza across the way. It was a steady flow of vehicles in and out and it seemed that no parking spot was empty for more than a minute. A patient in another chair, who wasn’t very familiar with the concept of “indoor voice,” in the midst of his incessant ramblings yelled, “wow, the pot shop is hopping!” He wasn’t wrong. Just louder than needed.

The day of adventure also included a successful trip to a consignment shop for something to wear to a fancy museum event on Saturday, the closure of the matured and problematic IRA CD, a visit to my favorite gas station, and a stop at Market Basket for things Aldi lacks including cheese ends, brick ramen, and frozen mixed vegetables. What a day.

random thoughts – Day 2,177 (Tuesday) – window watching

The forecast for today called for snow and just before noon the stuff began to appear. By 12:45 it was sticking to the road and the driveways. 

The cable bucket truck appeared on the street around the same time as the snow. A couple weeks ago, a similar (or the same) truck was in the neighborhood. Previously, the bucket was lowered during travel, but today, as the snow fell steady and heavy, the bucket remained in the full upright position as the truck rolled slowly down the street with a worker standing in the bucket.

Hanging wiring on a snowy day.

The guy in the bucket would give a quick yell and the truck would pause for a second as bucket guy attached clasps to an existing wire and pulled a new one below it and then it would roll forward some more. Pause, clip, roll forward. The driver had the window open (presumably to facilitate being yelled at). He had a cigarette in one hand and drove with the other. It’s the only service truck in the neighborhood that doesn’t violate the 15-mph speed limit, so kudos for that. 

Five hours later, the snow was still falling, the light was fading, and the truck was still making rounds in the neighborhood. 

While the wire hanging activity took place outside, I was inside playing the role of nosy neighbor Gladys Kravitz (Bewitched). I recently read something that claimed “the older one gets, the more one looks out the window.” This seems to be true, at least for me. It’s hard not to look outside with the living room in the front of the house and a bay window facing the street, and especially when a truck is outside with multiple sets of lights flashing and a guy in a hardhat is floating down the street in mid-air. And I need to be ready in case a call for emergency services is needed. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

random thoughts – Day 2,176 (Monday) – pantry pleasure

After a stretch of time where I forgot about a treat I used to like, I suddenly remembered about peanut butter and Fluff on Ritz crackers. Of course, it became a fixation for at least five whole minutes and then I did what any self-sufficient adult would do. I visited the pantry, where I found a partial sleeve of crackers. pulled out the peanut butter and Fluff, and got busy.

Peanut butter and Fluff crackers.

Did I prepare the snack at the kitchen counter, and set it on a plate like a civilized adult? Nope. I took that sleeve of crackers, the jars, and a knife to the living room. The wax paper cracker sleeve was opened on the new-ish couch and the assembled cracker sandwiches were set upon it. 

It was like I was boldly tempting fate and yet, by some miracle, the furniture remained peanut butter and Fluff free. Another of life’s little miracles, right up there with the electric bill coming in lower than expected. What a day of triumphs.

random thoughts – Day 2,175 (Sunday) – red meat

It was a mostly regular Sunday with coffee, phone games, news, emails, and dance group. It snowed this morning, which has been all too common this winter. Dance practice involved trying to override muscle memory on a choreography learned a few years ago which is now being heavily revised. It’s turning out to be a difficult rewiring process and feels like a test of my dwindling reserves of patience.

After dance, it was a quiet day at home. There were snuggles with Kiki, too much time on social media, and the roasting of sweet potatoes, red-skin potatoes, and broccoli.

Steak and veggies.

The only unusual aspect of the day was at supper. I rarely eat steak (or even much meat), but today a box of steaks that has been in the freezer since it arrived as a Christmas gift was opened. After studying the instructions, a 1.5-inch beef tenderloin steak was covered with seasoning, seared in the cast iron pan, then the pan was set in the oven to finish cooking. The seasoning blackened during the searing. It was delicious.

After supper, I could feel my iron poor blood reviving in my veins. Or maybe that was my imagination. Hours later, the steak was sitting heavy in my stomach like a stone. Pretty sure that was not my imagination. Clearly, my system, accustomed to heavy consumption of vegetables, sugar, and meat substitutes, is confused by the sudden presence of a steak gift from Omaha. It will be interesting to observe the after effects of the steak consumption.

random thoughts – Day 2,174 (Saturday) –bedtime story

And just like that, February is over. It was warm today (in the 40s) so things got melty. The snowbanks are receding inch by inch and snow and ice melted off the roofs.

The original plan for the day was to attend the Finnish breakfast at Saima Park (Fitchburg) and then do some snowshoeing on the trails there. The snowshoes have been in the car ready for action for a few weeks. I, on the other hand, have been less ready for action. I either had the wrong boots on to work with the snowshoes, it was actively snowing, or I had something else that needed doing.  Today, I could not drag myself out of bed in time to make to the breakfast on the early side of things. Sometimes it’s crowded and sells out, so it’s best to arrive closer to 8:00 than 10:00.

A mistake was made on Friday when I threw caution to the wind and drank coffee after the noon hour. Someone said it was really good, so how could I not? The risk was known, the cutoff time was disregarded, and 10 or 11 hours later when I went to bed I couldn’t get to sleep. Time ticked by, I lay there awake, and tried to not be too p*ssed at my self-sabotage.

At 7:00 this morning, the alarm went off to start the day, and it felt like I’d barely had a nap and had also possibly been run over by a truck. I couldn’t drag myself from the bed to get ready and leave to arrive at the breakfast by 8:30. I managed to get up around 8:00, and by 10:00 I was awake, caffeinated, and functional but that’s when the breakfast event ends. Maybe next month. For the breakfast anyway. Today was the last day for public use of the trails for snowshoeing and cross-country skiing.

New duvet cover set!

I hung around inside the house almost all day. At 4:00 I rallied and went to Aldi for vegetables and a few grocery items. I overachieved and also bought a duvet cover from the seasonal aisle. It’s got black flowers on an off-white background and looks like a knock-off of a popular Finnish textile design. It now covers the pale blue print comforter that hasn’t coordinated with any bedroom in my life in the past ten years. Kiki is now avoiding jumping onto the bed. I think she is afraid of the new pattern.

random thoughts – Day 2,173 (Friday) – better choices

There was a plan to attend a funeral with Mom this morning but she was feeling poorly and sounded like someone sandpapered her throat so she stayed home with her germs and I went without her. The church parking lot is small and the car ahead of me nabbed the last open parking slot that wasn’t designated for handicap tags, and at that moment I was a little bit glad it was a solo endeavor.

The most recent snow storm on top of an already busy and never-ending snow season meant that snowbanks narrowing the streets were plentiful and spaces for safely parking vehicles were less available. No lie, I circled the neighborhood looking and hoping for a spot for 20-minutes, and then a spot opened on the street right outside my destination. Sometimes it just takes a full tank of gas and a dose of stubbornness to achieve the goal. Luckily, I had arrived at the church a half-hour before the service was to start. It did occur to me that had I just been 31 minutes early, I might have been the lucky winner of that final spot in the church lot, but it all worked out and I had a nice tour of the neighborhood and probably confused some residents as I passed their homes a million times.

Rollstone
Congregational
Church.

The Celebration of Life was in a Gothic-style Congregational church with a clock tower, and a sanctuary with columns, arches, beautiful wood, stained glass windows, a massive pipe organ, and velvet cushions on the wooden pews. It looked and felt a lot like the church I grew up in, located a mile down the street, which was comforting.

The service and remembrances captured the spirit and personality of my friend’s father, who Mom and I knew from our old church. That church was faced with mounting expenses and declining membership and sold its building and dissolved in 2018. 

One of my favorite hymns was part of the service (“Lord of the Dance”, a 1963 arrangement of a 19^th Century Shaker Tune). Despite not attending church services in years, I remembered a decent number of the words. Seriously, if school lessons had been set to music when I was in school, I would have retained a lot more useful information.

Also in the service was the 23^rd Psalm of David, which, around age 8 or 9, I was enamored with. I wrote it out on a piece of notebook paper and taped it to the wall near my bed and I would read it each night with the intent of memorizing it. I don’t remember what prompted me to do that, but I did some random stuff as a kid. Mummu probably told me it was her favorite. I still remember most of the words now, but in the olden English version with “maketh” instead of “makes,” “leadeth” instead of “leads,” and “restoreth” instead of “restores,” etc. Luckily, I checked the text printed in the service program and I didn’t tip my old English hand with the “-eth” stuff when it was recited in unison today.

Several high school classmates/friends were in attendance and we had a chance to catch up in the fellowship hall after the service. The delicious catering featured great coffee and healthy food options that included fresh garden salad. The choices made today were better for my health and spiritual well-being than many choices of recent days/months/years.

Rest in peace Mr. Goguen. Your daughter organized a beautiful celebration of your life.

random thoughts – Day 2,172 (Thursday) – poor choices

It was a day with some less-than-ideal dietary choices. It kicked off with cherry pie and coffee for breakfast. At least it was a smallish piece of pie, and the pie is almost gone and then it will no longer be a temptation. 

Lunch was a healthier improvement with homemade turkey vegetable soup from the freezer, with some fresh mushrooms and carrots added, plus half-and-half. It was delicious. In the words of an ex-husband, the first bowl “tasted like more” and was followed by a second bowl. And a third. In my defense, they were small bowls.

It didn’t take long before the food pendulum swung back to highly questionable choices. This time, it was an afternoon snack of too many sugar wafers with coffee flavored frosting schmeared on them.

Casserole cross-section,
before being heated.

After the day of reckless consumption, the plan was to give the digestive system a break and skip dinner. That idea didn’t last long and the next thing I knew I was dining on a square of the penne, salsa, cheese casserole from the other day. Later, there were more sugar wafers, but without the frosting this time.

Tomorrow I will do better. It will be easier because I have plans with Mom and won’t be sitting at home all day. 

random thoughts – Day 2,171 (Wednesday) – resting phase

The sight of snow falling steadily when I woke up this morning caused a small degree of sadness. Knowing it was cold out and not knowing how long it might snow, the decision was made to be a homebody for the day and the corresponding “probably not leaving the house” outfit was chosen.

What the heck,
puzzle company?

The jigsaw puzzle started on Monday was completed. It was a brand-new puzzle, still wrapped in the outer plastic, with the pieces encased in a sealed bag inside the box. And it is missing a piece. Thanks, puzzle company. There was a card in the box with a code to get a “free gift” and I almost emailed the company to ask if the free gift might be my missing piece and if the code was the secret password to ransom it from a hostage-type situation.

The special offer free gift is a vinyl sticker and a discount code to buy puzzles online from the company. Prices are around $20 for a 1,000-piece puzzle, and free shipping kicks in at $59, so I think I’ll take my chances at the puzzle swap table at the library, thanks. Especially knowing my current puzzle from the company came missing a piece.

After the puzzle, the domestic kitchen gene kicked in and a penne, fake sausage, salsa, and cheese casserole was baked. It was really good, and solved the “what should I eat” question for both lunch and supper. So efficient!

Home for the day.

For snow day entertainment, I snuggled under the beautiful afghan my Aunt made for me (which coordinates perfectly with my couch) and watched Finnish crime dramas on Prime video. I had abandoned them for a couple years (or more) when it felt like I had seen all the free ones. Today, I learned that my carefully curated watch list was full of shows “no longer available due to license expiration.” Oops. I guess it has been a while.

While Detective Maria Kallio played in Finnish with English subtitles, I enjoyed the thrill of still recognizing words. It’s been a few years since I last took the Finnish classes at Saima Park. I bailed after a couple terms because the language is very difficult, the drive from Lowell was a pain in the butt, and seriously, do I really think I'm ever going to Finland? 

Overall, it was nice day of rest. Even in the afternoon when the sun came out, I continued my outdoor boycott with no guilt. 

random thoughts – Day 2,170 (Tuesday) – breaking up is hard

Today I hit the road to visit the bank with the IRA CD in need of a visit and paperwork. The highway was delightfully clear of snow and light on traffic. The Fitchburg roads were about what I expected. The potholes were plentiful but the snow clearing was adequate on the major streets.

Welcome!

Near the bank, blue and red emergency vehicle lights were flashing like it was the Independence Day parade. A police car blocked the plaza entrance nearest the bank. An ambulance and a fire truck were parked nearby. Two cars sat facing each other in the entrance with another police cruiser behind them. A cluster of people talked with police officers. I drove to another entrance and was able to access the bank, but I might have been better off to take the scene on arrival as a sign to keep driving.

The transaction took a long time to process because it was an IRA CD and not just a regular savings CD. It was the banker’s first IRA distribution. A manual was consulted for the many forms to be filled out, printed, and signed. It was my first ever IRA distribution. I wasn’t prepared for the question about having taxes withheld from the transaction and after a nano second of thought, opted to have a random percentage withheld for federal taxes thinking to reduce taxes owed with the 2026 filing.

Calculations were made. Papers were signed. A check was printed for the account balance, less the amount of the federal taxes. The banker never asked how I wanted the funds. I had assumed it would just be put into my checking account at the same institution. A bank check was printed along with a copy of all my paperwork.

During my time in the bank, a flatbed had arrived and left. The ambulance, firetruck, police cars, and personal vehicles were gone. Something that sounded like a grandfather clock chimed on two occasions.

I drove to the credit union where I have opened accounts as part of my breakup with the old bank and deposited the check from the CD. The finance portion of the day took so long that I cancelled the food shopping part of the day, got some gas, and headed home.

At home, I went online to the oil company website to pay for the oil delivered late last week. My account showed no record of a delivery and no amount showing as due. I called the office and got a recording to leave a message for a callback. I’ll try again on Wednesday.

A couple hours later, a call came from the bank. The back office had found an issue with the CD transaction. Apparently, if federal taxes are withheld from an IRA distribution, Massachusetts state tax must also be withheld. The system did not provide an alert, and nothing prevented the transaction from processing, which seems like a flaw, but what do I know.

To correct the issue, the back office reversed the CD closing transaction and issued a stop payment order on the check I had been given. Yes, the check I had just deposited into my account at the other institution. (I’m pretty sure they are called financial institutions because after dealing with one in any capacity as employee or customer, you are pretty much ready for a nice long, medicated vacation in an institution. Or maybe that’s just me.)

The banker suggested I call the credit union to ask for my deposit to be reversed to avoid me being assessed a fee when the check is rejected in the system due to the stop payment. The back office at the credit union coordinated with the branch, reversed my deposit, and suggested I come in to pick up the original check, which might be fine if not for the half-hour ride to get there. And now I can look forward to doing the whole CD closure all over again. Had it just been deposited into my checking account at the bank, it would have been a breeze to unwind. This is what I get for trying to break up with a bank and move on. It is feeling like a bad boyfriend scenario all over again.

In considering all the screwy screw-ups of the past week, I checked to see if we are in Mercury retrograde because it sure feels like we are. During Mercury retrograde, miscommunications, delays, travel issues, and technical glitches are common. Based on the glitches in the past week (misinformation, absence of communication, plaza access issue, bank account headache, oil company account mystery), I don’t even want to speculate what could go wrong during the actual retrograde period which begins February 26 and ends March 20. Yay. Can’t wait. Should be fun.

random thoughts – Day 2,169 (Monday) – snow day aggro

Snowy day. Again.

The blizzard raged with cold air, hostile steady snow, high winds, and occasional white-out conditions. Snow clotted on the window screens and gathered on the ledge between upper and lower panes. It blew and cleared some roofs and drifted in driveways, against sheds, stairs, and homes. The storm was a combination of fascinating and picturesque, best observed from inside. 

In between watching episodes of the never ending reality show “winter snow 2025-26,” regular daily life of emails, job applications, and phone calls took place. This included the frustrating labyrinth of bank customer “service.” Short version: last Tuesday (because Monday was a holiday), I called the bank with a question about an IRA CD that had matured on the 14th and had a 10-day window for changes. Based on the crappy rates provided, I said I wanted to close the CD and was told it could be closed and moved to my checking account easy peasy, it just might take a couple days.

Today, after checking for the millionth time and seeing it hadn’t happened yet, I called to ask when this transaction might happen.  I learned I had been misinformed last week and because it is an IRA instrument I need to visit a branch to sign paperwork. This information was noted in my bank file, but was never relayed to me. Nice. And tick, tock, the 10-day clock is slipping away.

Relaxing with a puzzle.

It looks like tomorrow I’ll be making the 15-mile journey to the closest branch, which could have been accomplished at several pre-blizzard points last week, including Wednesday when I was next door to said branch. I can’t wait to be fully divested of business with this bank.

To restore calm and shake off the aggro, I started a new small side quest with a jigsaw puzzle. It has only 500 pieces, but it’s harder than I assumed. It’s good diversion for housebound annoyances and aggravation.

random thoughts – Day 2,168 (Sunday) – prep and dread

Snow and ice sculpture.

The shadow of an approaching blizzard loomed over the day like a comic supervillain. At dance practice, I noticed the snow and ice balanced on the edge of the roof. The thick snow had slid and hung off the roof like some sort of avalanche in the making. The icicles hung at crazy angles that looked like monster fangs. It was fascinating, and also hard to photograph from inside due to the full screen outside the window and impossible from the outside due to the deep snow behind the building.

Driving home from dance practice, I mentally ran through the contents of the pantry and decided I would go to Aldi if the list of needs was longer than two or three items. The items I came up with were half-and-half (for coffee), milk (for cooking and baking), and refried black beans (for more empanadas). Then I remembered there was enough half-and-half for a couple days and I had bought instant milk for baking purposes so I was off the hook and spared a pre-blizzard grocery run.

To use the remaining box of pie crusts approaching its best by date, I baked a cherry pie using canned pie filling. Lessons were learned. First, canned cherry pie filling is okay, but not that great. The edge of the crust was overbaked because I didn’t put the foil on the edges quickly enough to prevent such.

Cherry pie.

The biggest lesson was that not all off-brand pie crusts are alike. Specifically, Hannaford store brand pie crust isn’t as good as the off-brand pie crust I used a few days ago for the empanadas. The Hannaford crust stuck to itself and cracked during the unrolling step. The other crust had been rolled with parchment paper which made it much easier to unroll. Unfortunately, this is only partially useful information because I don’t recall the brand of the other pie crusts or where I bought them and the box is out in the recycle bin.

At 8:15 p.m., the snow hadn’t begun yet, but it’s coming and preparations have been underway. Parking bans, trash delays, and school cancellations announcements rolled in during the day. This afternoon, a recorded phone message, a text, and an email notified me that my Monday appointment with the surgeon for the final follow-up appointment for last year’s broken wrist is cancelled. A blizzard warning is in effect for five counties (including mine) until Tuesday morning at 7:00 a.m. The governor declared a state of emergency ahead of the storm, and certain trucks were banned from traveling on Massachusetts highways as of 5:00 p.m. Yikes. 

The Weather Channel app says the magic hour for the snow to arrive in Gardner is around 9:15 p.m. I feel like the host of a family event who is dreading the arrival of that one predictably loud, obnoxious family member (with luck, the family has just one) and hoping that maybe it won't be too bad this time. 

random thoughts – Day 2,167 (Saturday) – winter life

Winter 2025-26 feels like it has already been six months of snow. There were another three or four inches of fresh whiteness this morning. The neighborhood critters were busy with tracks along the backyard tree line. The tracks in the driveway under the carport featured some very cute tiny little toe prints. Squirrel maybe?

The weather forecast for the weekend is described as a full-blown blizzard. Forewarned is forearmed, I guess, but so far, I have failed to dash out for bread and milk as mandated by American snowstorm protocol. It looks like I may be queued up at the grocery store Sunday afternoon after dance. Or not. The pantry is well stocked and can handle a day or two in the kitchen, it’s the freezer that has the capacity issue. Soup? Mac and cheese? Baked goods? It could be a wide-open stove-centered adventure. Or a guilt free stretch of time on the couch with a book. We shall see. My domestic ambitions tend to change like the weather.

But back to today. There was fresh snow in the morning and it was cleared. Then I met a friend at the movie theater in town. I had been thinking of show shoeing until she called and suggested seeing Wuthering Heights, which I had already wanted to see so it was a perfect idea. Two movies within eight days / two movies in one year is a level of movie activity (and giant popcorn buckets) quite possibly not seen since high school. There were previews shown today for other movies I’d like to see (The Devil Wears Prada 2, Odyssey), so this could be a big year for me and the movies.

As for Wuthering Heights, it featured moody UK landscapes and wet weather, interesting characters, and some gorgeous costumes. And Margot Robbie has been great in everything in which I’ve seen her (Wolf of Wall Street; I, Tonya; Suicide Squad; Barbie, to name a few). It was an afternoon well spent.

random thoughts – Day 2,166 (Friday) – motivated

Today saw some tasks get knocked off the list. The tax return is finally done and submitted. Most of the tax forms had been rounded up, except for the one from my old mortgage bank. I called their customer service number and learned that a form had been sent out, but it's anyone's guess where it is. I could either wait for a new one in the mail or pick one up at a branch. I opted for the branch pickup, and in no time, I had my form in my chilly hands.

In the library.

From the bank, I traversed a block or two over to the library and finally got myself a library card. When I tried to get one in the summer, I didn't have documentation showing my new address with me. Today, armed with my excise tax bill, I got my library card.

It’s a beautiful library with lots of wood, windows, and cozy nooks with comfy-looking chairs. I wandered around like I used to do when I was a youngling, turning down random rows, pausing at random shelves to read titles. One title would spark and idea and then I would be off looking at something else. 

The snow, which had started when I left the bank a few minutes earlier, gained intensity as I worked my way through the library and got heavier as I made my way home.

Snow falling.

The main roads were primarily wet, but the streets in my neighborhood were collecting snow. Back at home and looking out the windows, it was like being inside a snow globe. The snow was falling and blowing and swirling from multiple directions and piling up fast. It was pretty on the trees out back and across the street, and covered the yucky dirty snow. With the snow swirling outside and a new library card in my wallet, I was feeling sufficiently motivated to continue the momentum. The tax return was revisited and finally finished. 

The little timekeeping feature in TurboTax, which I imagine is intended to be encouraging, estimated my return would take 54 minutes. It was laughable, because in all the years of using the program, I've never been able to finish within the estimated time. 

Worse than the gross inaccuracy of the estimator was the way it held fast to that original estimate like if it repeated the lie enough it would finally be true. It passed an hour the first day I logged in and clocked more than six hours by the time I was finished. But it’s finished, officially crossed off the list, and it’s all over except waiting for the direct deposit of the refund. Bonus, I don’t need to deal with it for another year.

random thoughts – Day 2,165 (Thursday) – polished

Cleaning underway.

Since attending the tai chi class last Thursday, I had every intention of returning this week. I was dressed and mentally ready for class when I realized I would need to leave early for a detour to get some cash from an ATM. I spent all the money in my wallet on dance trinkets Tuesday night when I bought two pairs of zills, a silk veil, and a pair of black dance pants from another dancer at class. (No regrets.)

Instead of leaving early, the Barkeeper’s Friend powder was fetched from under the sink in the guest bathroom. One zill was tested to see if the cleaning was as easy and effective as the YouTube video I watched for drum kit cymbal cleaning indicated. It was, and that is when I chose to skip the ATM and tai chi. Instead, I got busy cleaning four of my sets of zills, which were the two newly acquired sets and the two sets that usually live in my dance bag. There are still three or four more sets elsewhere, generally neglected because they are cheaper quality and don’t sound as nice.

The wetting and scrubbing and wiping and scrubbing and wiping went well and the zills look all shiny and new again. It was surprising how tarnished they all were, and satisfying when they were all cleaned up.

Shiny and fresh.

After the cleaning, a trip was made to Dollar Tree for small hair elastics to replace the old elastics. The hair elastics are hard to push through the slots in the tops of the zills, but it’s still easier than using flat elastic and sewing, gluing, or pinning them on the underside of the zills and running the risk of malfunction when in use.

I would have preferred black elastics, but the only colors available today were spring pastels in a pack of 30. No amount of my wishing and looking produced any black ones and I was not interested in dealing with the massive square footage of Wal-Mart to look for small black hair elastics in there. New pastel elastics were bought and installed in most of the sets with one color for the thumbs and a different color for the middle fingers in each set. For the rarely used emergency spare set I left the old elastics in.

Now it’s time to play.

random thoughts – Day 2,164 (Wednesday) – empanada a go-go

There were boxed pie crusts in the refrigerator that were racing up to their “best by” date finish lines. I have a vague recollection that I was going to make brown sugar and cinnamon pinwheels for Christmas Eve, and like several other ambitious ideas, it just never happened. They have taunted me from the bottom shelf of the fridge ever since. 

Empanada supper!

An Internet search for “recipes with refrigerated pie crusts” yielded a winner in empanadas. Vegetarian beef and sausage crumbles were cooked with onion, taco seasoning, and a can of refried beans and cheese was mixed in. The filling was dropped into pie crust cut in four-inch circles, folded, and crimped with a fork.

The two crusts yielded 14 empanadas. Half were packaged for the freezer for baking later. The rest were brushed with beaten egg and baked for 15 minutes. And it was so delicious. Definitely a winner.

The scraps were re-rolled, filled with apricot preserves, brushed with egg and sprinkled with sugar and baked. Extra delicious. Super easy. It might be time to add refrigerated pie crust  to the regular purchase rotation.

random thoughts – Day 2,163 (Tuesday) – memories and chicken

Today was less exciting (term used loosely) than on this date one year ago. One year ago today, it was the Monday President’s Day holiday, and my sister and I spent the day at an appointment with a surgeon.

The Thursday before, while shoveling the  water collecting on my front walk, I stepped back onto water-covered ice and landed on my arse and slammed my hand/wrist. I got dizzy, felt nauseated, and elbow crawled/dragged myself into the house like I was competing in some sort of warrior competition. Once I had gathered my wits, I messaged my boss that I would be logged off for the day and parked myself on the couch.

The wrist was uncomfortable, but it didn’t really hurt. I wrapped it in an Ace Bandage found in the bathroom cabinet and debated trying to get in to see my doctor or just going to urgent care. Either destination would have required me driving, which seemed ill-advised. I did the ice and elevation thing and took it easy.

The next morning when the wrist wasn’t miraculously regenerated and repaired like I had imagined it would be, I called the doctor and scored a same-day office visit followed by x-rays. A friend served as my chauffer. We went out for lunch while awaiting a call-back with the next medical instructions.

Dave's Hot Chicken - Top Loaded Fries.

For the entire weekend, I thought my wrist was badly bruised and dislocated, mostly because it was discolored, at an odd angle, and a little swollen, but it didn’t really hurt. My sister took me to the Monday appointment in Chelmsford, but first, we had lunch at Dave’s Hot Chicken. Her daughters make the trip from Fitchburg for the stuff so we decided to see what they were willing to travel so far for. It turns out the Top Loaded Fries are mighty good. 

I seriously thought the surgeon was going to take my hand, yank it, and I’d be on my way with a straightened and bruised wrist. Instead, I was told it needed surgery (scheduled for two days later), and I was sent to the building next door for “a splint” which turned out to be a heavy-ish cast to above my elbow and left me with my arm hanging out of my shirt. At home, I cut the sleeve off a thermal shirt for sleeping in.

Anyway. There was surgery and no driving for a bunch of weeks which meant I missed practices with both dance groups because I had no way to get to them, which hurt more than the wrist ever did. There were some movement issues and it got aggravated during the move over the summer. There was a silver-ish lining, though – when I had the very painful neck/shoulder issue all this past fall, I completely forgot about my wrist.

Tonight, at dance group, the wrist was doing rolls and floreos and all was good. In terms of mechanics, it felt like the whole being broken thing never happened. The still-red-but-fading scar over the location of the titanium plate is the only publicly visible evidence that something went down. I am aware that the left wrist is a bit larger than the right one now, which offends my appreciation for symmetry and my watch no longer fits and needs a link added back into the band, but I’m pretty sure I will get over that someday. 

And now that I've been thinking about that day of a year ago, I really, really want some Dave's Hot Chicken Top Loaded Fries.