random thoughts – Day 2,115 (Wednesday) – goodbye 2025

Final sunset of 2025, through the trees.

It’s the last day of 2025 and I’m not entirely sad to see this year be done. The overall theme for this extra challenging and stressful year seems to have been “What. The. F&*k.” I watched what I could see of the setting sun from the dining room window and hoped the incoming year will be calmer. 

The year opened with the cloud of the recently delivered news the bank that claimed for 35-plus years would be “the last independent bank standing” was “merging” which we learned was code for “being acquired and disappearing.” Early communications about the branch network being “safe” avoided mentioning the plan for back-office departments. The life-changing thunderhead overshadowed the first half of year (and beyond).

To add more spice to an already spicy time, my unfortunate ice incident of February resulted in a broken wrist, surgery, and no driving for eight weeks which meant that even though 99% of my body parts functioned, due to living near absolutely none of my dance sisters, I couldn’t get to either of my dance groups. Thanks to the digital marvel of remote work, I was able to continue working from home and a couple times, got rides into the office for meetings.

A week after the wrist surgery, the official initial notification arrived that I was one of those chosen to soon be jobless (along with most of the marketing team) at some still undetermined date. It had been my general plan to work at the bank until full retirement age and then either scale back to part-time hours or retire and sell the house in Lowell. It was a rough plan, with two years to be fully mapped out. The merger and job loss notification accelerated parts of that plan and derailed others.

With no job in Lowell there was no reason to also be jobless in Lowell and stressing over the mortgage payment and flood insurance. The house was put on the market in early June and by the last weekend of June (right before the finally announced official merger date) an offer was accepted. I had looked at several houses, and on July first (first day of unemployment), made an offer on the perfect house in the correct price range which happened to also be next door to Mom’s. This part of things could not have been better scripted and proved that sometimes things do work out.

In addition to packing, moving, and unpacking, the entire summer (and fall) were spent looking for a job. Unsuccessfully. The new morning routine still involves scouring through job postings, customizing resumes and cover letters, and sometimes still having to retype all the resume info into an online application that can take an hour or more. I have received the exact same seemingly AI generated rejection letter countless times, sometimes right after the email stating the application was submitted. The HR robot overlords work fast! 

About the time I was ready to come up for a breath of air and maybe take a day at the beach, the excruciating pinched nerve in the neck came along to really jazz things up. It was complicated by a major “event” with the local healthcare system that affected their communications, appointment scheduling, x-rays, and basically everything. It was a couple months of waiting for medical appointments, going to medical appointments, waiting for diagnostics, and physical therapy. The follow-up for the MRI done in mid-December is still weeks away, but maybe that is a good sign.

In October, as a fresh kick in the teeth, the same week the first unemployment deposit from the state hit my bank account, a letter arrived stating that the bank had appealed my unemployment insurance and I need to prepare for a hearing at a still unscheduled future date. Details are minimal to nonexistent, but the best guesses are that the payments began prematurely. Not that I control the state’s purse strings, I’m just following the instructions provided in a bank-sponsored workshop and on the state-run website. But hey, a hearing should be fun!

Not to be outdone on the physical front and speaking of teeth, the first week of December I broke a tooth. That set off the latest dental adventure, notable for being more expensive out-of-pocket than either of the physical ones, thanks to the insurance industry and the geniuses who decided vision and dental care should be separate coverages than health care and everything should cost an arm and a leg.

Kiki!

The challenges were frustrating, expensive, and life-changing, but the year still finished with solid victories. There is a comfortable (paid off) home in a nice neighborhood with helpful neighbors. The joblessness allowed for more time spent with family and Kiki (the best cat in the land), and time to recharge and start making plans for the next chapter in the new year. Maybe I’ll find a job in some new and exciting direction. Maybe I won’t. 

I’ll be okay. 2025 was a tough year, but I’m generally adaptable and also tenacious and full of Finnish Sisu so I usually (eventually) land on my feet (except that time in 2025 when I landed on my wrist). Sometimes I just have to get really pissed off first.

random thoughts – Day 2,114 (Tuesday) – ice and mail and more books

Definitely ice.

There was no debate this morning about whether the street was wet or icy. It was definitely ice along the edges of the street and in front of the driveways and the sun reflected off it and highlighted the ridges and bumps. Around 10:30, the dismal weather forecast showed it was 19 degrees with a note that it felt like 2 degrees. The wind was biting and cold, which I learned firsthand when I went out to get the mail I hadn’t collected for a couple days and to meet a friend for lunch downtown at the Ale House.

The mail was more of the same stuff that isn’t even for me. I have no idea who Hellen F is because that is not the name of the woman who owned the house before me, but her street address is shown as mine with the addition of “Apartment # [my mailbox number],” and things are looking serious. In addition to the slew of year end donation solicitations, there have been some official looking insurance company packets, and today, official business from the Social Security Administration. I keep writing the same message: “Please return to sender. Addressee unknown.” I wonder how many times (if any) the new occupants of my old house have had to deal with/send back mail for me. I hope it's not a lot because it gets tiring.

The year-end book reading frenzy continues. Yesterday, I finally finished Late Migrations by Margaret Renkl. I say “finally” finished because I started it as soon as it came into my hands several years ago, and then it was set aside for reasons I don’t recall. It’s a beautifully written book with artwork by her amazing brother Billy Renkl, and when I picked it up again yesterday, I didn’t put down (except to dry some tears) until I was finished.  

Today’s book choice was a quick re-read of a young adult book from the olden days of junior high school (Lisa Bright and Dark). I recalled it as one of the books the girls at school passed around and recommended to each other, but other than that, I didn’t remember the story at all. Basically, she’s having a mental breakdown, described on the cover as “a novel of a young girl’s journey toward the strange, hypnotic world of madness.” I’m not sure about the hypnotic part, but ok. And now I never have to wonder about that book again although I may look up the made for TV movie. 

With one day left in my 2025 speed reading marathon, I need to grab something short from the shelf to ensure I reach completion. Then I can resume the 700 page wrist breakers that were set aside halfway through or not yet started due to the daunting length. It has been quite refreshing not turning the TV on for the past several days. 

random thoughts – Day 2,113 (Monday) – fate or free will

Icy or just wet? 

It was raining when I went to bed Sunday night. The pinging and splatting sounds on the bathroom skylight tipped me off. This morning, the sky was dull and the asphalt street and driveway were dark and glossy and it wasn’t possible to tell if it was icy or just wet. Or wet on top of icy. I played it safe and stayed inside, venturing only to the dry back door landing to deposit the bag of trash into the bin.

Monday is trash day, but with just one bag of trash and the recycle bin nearly empty, it didn’t seem worth the effort to roll either one down the potentially slick driveway to the curb. Since my starring role in the Ice Capades last February when I fell on wet ice at my house and broke a wrist, I’m a lot more cautious. Half of the surgery scar is still an unappealing red and looks a skinny worm and I’m not interested in acquiring any more similar body art. It was the safety of the couch with a book for me, which was the basic plan for the day anyway, even before the rain and maybe ice arrived.

The past couple days of reading on the couch have felt like a staycation, and not the kind where I convinced myself to paint walls or do other manual labor. It’s been great. Relaxing. Rejuvenating. Guilt-free, especially where it’s the closest thing to a vacation in all of the miserable year of 2025 and after the pricey dental work of December, it might be the story for 2026 as well.

In high school, most of my reading choices were dictated by whatever arrived in the mail for Mom's Book of the Month Club membership and school work, which usually included an exam with essay questions, my favorite (ha!) being, “Was it fate or free will?” (… that those particular people were on that particular bridge that collapsed, or that Romeo and Juliette didn’t quite make it, or some other thing from some other book). The reading choices seemed dictated by fate, or at least the higher power of the book club editors and my teachers, but I never had a strong opinion either way on whether events were dictated by fate or free will in the actual stories and would argue both sides. Maybe I was/am fated to have commitment issues.

Roasted.

The bones of the story of my today are, it was raining and I stayed home. This is verifiable fact, no symbolism or hand of fate involved unless we are disregarding weather and science. I roasted veggies in the oven. It was near lunch time, and there were broccoli, carrots and onions in the house. Let’s go with free will on that, too. Later in the day I exercised free will when I chose to walk next door to get the turkey carcass from Mom’s house to start a soup. I also chose to sit on the couch and read most of the day. 

There was a lot of free will being exercised today. I can’t see that there was some higher power / hand of fate arranging elements in place. The weather was just weather, not a literary symbol of a major change for a main character. There is no symbolism in the vegetables, it’s just what I bought the other day because I like them. At least, I’m choosing to think that. Of my own free will. Or is it possible this entire day was pre-destined by fate? Great, now I have something to think about all night. 

random thoughts – Day 2,112 (Sunday) – even more books

Finally finished this!

I’m really getting the hang of this sit at home reading thing and knocked out Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris today. I bought it last March at his speaking event in Keene and started reading it in the book signing line. Then it sat in the mostly neglected and ignored bedside reading pile (with far too many other books) for a couple months before being packed and relocated to the new house. The backlog of unread books is sizeable.

Now I’m into Calypso (also Sedaris), which was a recent purchase (along with a couple other Sedaris books) when I discovered the Book Outlet website while looking for one very specific thing. To hit the level for free shipping I ended up buying eight things, because why spend the money on shipping if I can spend it on actual books instead. Am I right?

There is another winter weather advisory for tonight until 6:00 a.m. Monday with another one to two inches of snow. Best news ever. It sounds like the perfect excuse to stay inside reading for another day.  I knew if I was patient I would eventually be able to recreate the perfect Christmas breaks of junior high school – eating sweets and reading books. I finally feel like a success.

random thoughts – Day 2,111 (Saturday) – snowy book day

Tracks in the morning snow.

I woke up thinking it was Saturday and today I was finally correct. It was also another snow globe kind of morning. Last night when I looked outside at 9:00, it wasn’t snowing but when I looked out at 10:00 before I went to bed, snow was coming down steadily and everything was covered. When I woke up this morning, there was a fresh blanket of snow, with some tracks across my back yard along the tree line. By the time I had made coffee, the snow angel across the street had already cleared my driveway and path to the front stairs.

The day had already been mentally mapped for reading and the snow validated my choice to not shower and dress in the officially designated staying home fleece pants and top. I parked myself on the couch and read. I took a break from reading a watched the rest of a Christmas movie with Diane Keaton that was started last night (The Family Stone, which I had seen before and was too lazy to look for something else). That was followed by another Christmas movie with Diane Keaton (Love the Coopers) which was a coincidental choice and not because I was hosting a Diane Keaton movie festival for an audience of one.

After the movie break it was back to the reading and eating Christmas Eve leftovers. The second book of the three I wanted to knock out before year’s end was finished. I’m kind of on a mission because one of my friends read 40 books in 2025 and I’ve been feeling very inadequate since learning that information and also acknowledging the insane number of hours I spend watching Netflix.

Books on deck.

At least when I was in the book club in Lowell, I was sure to read 12 books a year but in 2025, Tuesday night book club was sacrificed for Tuesday night dance class. My sad official tally of books for the year according to my Good Reads shelf is six. Seven if I finish the either one of the two David Sedaris books started this year (eight if I blaze through both!!). By the first of January, I will be well positioned to tackle the next six books on deck which includes three more by Sedaris, one about roller derby, one about Martha Graham, and a really skinny one called Signs from the Universe that I should slide in this week just to boost my book count (and ego).

There may have been some books I never logged this year because, as much as I like data and lists and progress charts, I’m also sometimes lazy and tracking the number of books I read in a year can be fun, but it’s not exactly a super important situation like say, tracking blood pressure, cholesterol, or sugar levels. The stakes are pretty low if I fail to log the books I read. Maybe I’ll be more consistent in 2026 with both the reading and the logging. Or not. We’ll see.

random thoughts – Day 2,110 (Friday) – days and books

It’s the crazy in-between time where the morning question upon awakening is “what day is this?” Yesterday, I kept thinking it was Saturday instead of Thursday, then this morning I thought it was Saturday instead of Friday. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get it right.

I slept late today, probably due to a sort of food hangover from eating so many sweets on Christmas. Today wasn’t much different in the sweets department.

It was a low-key, beautifully stress-free day. In addition to the sweets consumption (mostly in lieu of food), there was the usual combing through job ads and finishing an application started yesterday. The mail was fetched and today’s delivery included a package of five floor vent registers ordered last week. Unfortunately, they color was supposed to be “bronze metallic” but they are more of a dull black so installation is delayed until I hear back from the seller. The plan was for them to blend more with the flooring, not stand out in stark contrast.

The books to be finished.

The TV stayed off for the afternoon and there was time spent reading a book. I got it into my head to finish the three books that are in progress by the end of the year. Fortunately, they are short books, each at least half-way done and this is an attainable goal, especially with a forecast for cold temperatures and snow. Then I can break into the six new books on the shelf recently arrived from Book Outlet dot com. 

It’s been a dream for a few years to hole up for a day or two or five and read, like in the delicious days of Christmas break from school, before adult jobs interfered with leisure time. It seems my wish may be finally be granted.

random thoughts – Day 2,109 (Thursday) – christmas day with dinner

There was a Christmas surprise at 3:00 a.m. and it wasn’t Santa on the roof. It was the smoke and carbon monoxide detector outside the bedroom (the with the two-day old battery) chirping every 30 seconds. It was the last straw. I left my nice warm bed, fetched the stepstool and climbed it, pressed the release on the clip and removed the offending nuisance from the wall. Noise solved. Quiet returned to the house and I returned to bed.

Christmas dinner!

When I got up at 7:00, it was time to make the stuffing for the turkey dinner at Mom’s. At 9:00 I walked next door to deliver a portion of the stuffing to go into the bird. The rest would be baked in my oven for dinner. 

The morning was spent waiting for it to be time to put the stuffing in the oven. During the wait, there was the eating of Christmas Eve party leftovers. Noodle kugel for breakfast? Yes, please! Follow it up with a sausage and cheese won ton cup? Definitely! Maybe a few pieces of baked things? For sure, for sure. Oddly, by dinner time, I was hungry, which was good. It would have been awkward not eating at dinner.

Mince pie!

Christmas dinner at Mom’s was fun. There were seven of us talking and eating. Turkey dinner was followed by a home baked mince pie.  It was all very delicious.

Later, at home, it was movies on Prime and lounging on the couch. Except for the early awakening by the annoying chirps, it was another great day.

random thoughts – Day 2,108 (Wednesday) – family christmas eve

Back yard in fresh snow.

It was a winter postcard scene when I woke up this morning. Everything was coated in fresh snow and it looked like a pretty postcard. The snow angel across the street cleared my driveway and walk with his snow blower and it felt like the setup for a Hallmark Christmas movie.

A couple days ago I had wished to not leave the house for several days but once again, today I was briefly back in the fray. It seems I cursed myself with that earlier wish. 

A prescription had been waiting for me at CVS for a week that I kept forgetting to pick up and today I was determined to finally get it done. The parking lot was packed and I almost kept driving, but a customer left the store and I did the vulture thing, lurking, watching, and waiting for her to get in her car and exit. Inside wasn’t as bad as the parking lot and the pharmacy line moved along with impressive efficiency. I got my stuff and was out the door in no time, vacating the spot for someone in the fresh crop of circling vehicles.

Then it was the baking of the wonton sausage cups and reheating of the kielbasa, rolling of the sweet bologna and cheese wraps, and setting out of nuts, chips, and sweets. And then it was party time with the family. It was fun to be hosting. When I was in Lowell it was just far enough away to be a hassle for the family to come out, especially those who had to work part of the day. It’s so much nicer to be back and closer to everyone.

The afternoon was spent doing final baking and warm ups and setting up the dining table with chips and dips and the kitchen counter as a buffet. My middle niece and her boyfriend arrived and gravitated to the couch and we all followed to the seating in that area. I love that this house is suited to conversation groups and easy entertaining. I also love that the pesky fire/carbon monoxide detector was quiet for the day.

Perfect Christmas Eve with the family.

My youngest niece got out of work early and was able to join us earlier than she thought. It was a perfect night. We ate. We talked. We laughed. We commented on the Christmas songs playing on TV and searched for the Santa graphic on the “can you find Santa?” screens until we’d seen them all a few times and I changed the channel to YouTube and punk pop Christmas songs and then Post Modern Jukebox. I shared how I wish I was a singer, but that idea was killed when my brother and I sang in church choir and he told me I sang like Olive Oyl. Then my sister shared how I ruined her singing dreams by saying "who told you that you could sing?" Damn. Sibling words hurt. For a long time.

My eldest niece in Vegas called in and we exchanged greetings. We remembered to take a picture, which we've gotten really lax about in the past few years.

Overall, it was a perfect night – food, family, fun. Five stars. Highly recommend.

random thoughts – Day 2,107 (Tuesday) – more stress and baking

On December 16, I was awakened in the early morning hours by the annoying chirp of the Kidde smoke and carbon monoxide alarm outside my bedroom. I waited patiently for the nearby hardware store to open and bought batteries. Once replaced, the sound that occurred every 30 seconds and made me want to smash things stopped. It was bliss.

Today, exactly one week later, the frigging thing was chirping again and woke me up at 5:00. I was not a happy camper with pillows over my head in an attempt to block the sound. Stress mounted over the fact that it’s two days before Christmas and guests are coming in one day. I opened the hard-wired unit and found the manufactured date.  It’s October 2015. As in, ten years and two months ago. My best updated guess was that it was the chirp of death. My burning question was, how did this thing pass the mandatory state fire inspection in July?

This was the day I intended to calmly finish baking the sweets, start the food preparation, and clean the house. After an hour of the chirp from hell delivered at 30-second intervals, I was fired up. An email was sent to the Fire Chief seeking clarification on what the inspection conducted by their department in July actually certifies. I tried to be civil in tone, but it was barely 6:00 a.m., the chirping was six feet from the desk where the computer lives, and I was tired and most definitely not calm. Kiki was hiding under the bed.

Shopping for a new detector was definitely not on any of the several to-do lists. I was about five seconds away from ripping the entire thing out of the wall, wiring and all. The helpful neighbor suggested changing the battery and I was skeptical because it was only one week old, but ok. It stopped the noise.

The Fire Chief responded to my email with a number I could reach him at and we talked. I learned that because the inspection was in July, technically, the unit was in compliance with an October expiration. My annoyance transferred to the seller’s realtor for not extending the courtesy of changing the unit in July instead of leaving it with three months of expected life. In contrast, my realtor made sure every unit in the house I sold was replaced to ensure compliance and a smooth inspection, and to save the buyers of my old house the aggravation I endured this morning. The Fire Chief also mentioned that if the backup battery is draining in a week, there could be an issue with the power supply. Super cool. That’s what I really wanted for Christmas – to find an electrician.

Thanks to the chirping and related stress, texts, and conversations, the morning list to-do was cast aside. Yesterday, before the chirping, the day’s schedule had been altered to accommodate another dental appointment. The crown came in from the lab early and I was invited to come today for installation and to and have another $883 extracted from my life even sooner. Good times. So much for a calm day baking at home.

The appointment was supposed to be quick and easy, maybe 30 minutes. No numbing needles, remove the temporary crown, and install the new one. Easy peasy. Except the assistant had trouble getting the temporary crown off and when it finally came off, a chunk of the new filling that took two hours in the chair a week ago came out with it. She bolted from the space and returned with the dentist. Apparently, the new cement she used last week is extra strong. It was totally on brand for this year of never-ending whiskey-tango-foxtrot. It just needs to stop.

The topical numbing stuff came out, the needle came out, the drill came out. Then there was a lot of fussing to get the crown set. When I was given a mirror to admire the work before the final cementing, I pointed out it looked like it was set crooked. More adjustments happened.

After 1.5 hours, I was finally on my way, with instructions to not eat anything for the next 1.5 hours and to be careful with hard/crunchy foods for 24 hours.

Kielbasa and kugel.

Food preparation progress focused on baking the noodle kugel, which is made of egg noodles with applesauce, grated apple, crushed pineapple, and eggs. It’s a versatile food that can be served hot or cold, as a side to a meal or as a dessert. I love the stuff and hadn’t made it in years. Mummu’s recipe for kielbasa, a family favorite with a sauce of brown sugar, vinegar, and ketchup was also prepared. Tomorrow list is won ton cups with sausage and cheese and assembly of the sweet bologna rollups. 

The day’s reduced kitchen shift resulted in the removal of a couple planned recipes from the Christmas Eve menu. The cookies that would have been baked overnight tonight in the oven are now cut from the list because I just couldn't. So are the Mexican mocha balls. 

In the next few days, I can enjoy the extreme joy of shopping for new smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Can’t hardly wait.

random thoughts – Day 2,106 (Monday) – vase from italy

Christmas approaches like a runaway freight train and Mom and I went into the shopping fray today. It wasn’t quite panic shopping, but it’s getting close. Route 2 at 9:45 a.m. was on the nutty busy side of things and I hope I don't need to leave the house again until the weekend.

We went to Kohl’s, where I slipped into my old role as an employee and tidied things as I went. You can take me out of retail, but apparently you can’t take the retail out of me. I told Mom how when I was feeling stressed in Lowell, I used to go the very messy Family Dollar near my house and tidy up the women’s clothing aisle to relax. Yes, I know it’s weird. It’s barely the tip of the iceberg.

At Kohl’s, I got a few small things and also a gift of sorts for myself. It’s a vase with a made in Italy tag taped to the front of it, right next to the price sticker and the clearance price sticker. The Italy sticker that held the string with an info tag about the hand painting, care, and origin of the vase was easy to remove. As I struggled to remove the price stickers my only question was “why”? More specifically, “why were the price stickers on the outer visible surface and not on the bottom of the vase?”

Vase from Italy.

It seemed like there was the potential for scratching the glass with the removal, which would be less noticeable if it happened on the bottom. It took a few minutes to scrape them off with a fingernail and then get the remaining residue off with a dish cloth. The entire time I was afraid I would drop the Il Quadrifoglio hand painted, decorative-use-only-not-intended-for-food vase. Luckily, that didn’t happen. It now sits on an awkward glass shelf in the bathroom. For now, anyway. When the Christmas stuff goes away it may be resettled in the dining room. 

I did a search on the origin of the vase (being the curious nerd that I am) and my clearance rack “hand-painted by skilled artisans” vase is from Montespertoli, in Metropolitan City of Florence in the Tuscany region of Italy. Now I feel kind of guilty that with my 25% off coupon I paid only $7.50 for such a lovely item that seems grossly undervalued. I’m sure I’ll eventually get over it, but I might not sleep tonight.

Back in Gardner, we went to The Good Earth garden center and I bought potting mix and a new pot for my recently underperforming Christmas Cactus. Help is on the way, dear plant.

random thoughts – Day 2,105 (Sunday) – fire and solstice

Solstice fire.

Winter and the solstice were greeted with more walking. Today was the Lantern Lit Solstice Hike at Sibley Farm in Spencer, MA. The event featured a lantern-lit path uphill towards a campfire where hot cocoa and snacks awaited. A table held hot cocoa plus skewers, marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate for s’mores.

There were thirty or forty of us (unscientific guess) gathered around three portable fire pits burning atop the hill. People chatting at the fire we were at mentioned having gotten up early to watch the sunrise solstice event at Stonehenge. People visited the woods bordering the field to collect fallen branches and break them up to add to the fires. 

The temperature in the 30s and forecast to drop a bit meant dressing in layers, but I just did that yesterday, so it was easy. Even with a base layer, quarter zip turtleneck, fleece zip front, and outer shell, it was a bit chilly on the hill due to the wind that sometimes sent the flames blowing sideways. Every time I removed my left glove to take a picture with my phone my hand froze. Holding it over the fire before putting my glove back on helped.

Sunset before the longest night.

The sun shone between a bank of clouds moving in, and we saw the pink, purple, and orange tones deepen against the gray clouds as sunset approached. Someone with a small notepad and pencil moved through the crowd and invited people to write down something we want to let go of or something we want to embrace with the change of seasons and then set it into the fire. Done!

After the solstice event, the drive down country roads in the newly settled darkness had it feeling like midnight instead of not much past 5:00. We landed at The Barn in Princeton for supper. My friends had been there several times before, but it was my first time there. My selection was a “Grown-up Grilled Cheese” with smoked gouda, cheddar, apple sage slaw, and sourdough with onion rings. Definitely delicious.

And now we move into the season of growing light each day. In approximately 182 days, we can celebrate the summer solstice. 

random thoughts – Day 2,104 (Saturday) – walking and shopping

Sunshine, blue sky, and a temperature in the 30s made a great backdrop for a late morning hike and it was Walden Pond for the win. I hadn’t been there since an eighth grade English class field trip during which I wore new sage green dress pants with an overall bib and a cream turtleneck that Mummu had bought for me. Yes, I remember what I wore. Yes, I “saved” that outfit for field trip day. Yes, I was my own Barbie doll with special little outfits for almost any occasion.

On field trip day, I remember being disappointed that Walden Pond was just, well, a pond. It was kind of like seeing that the famed Plymouth Rock is just a not so remarkable rock, especially when your hometown has a glacial boulder on its own little plot of land presiding over the Upper Common in Fitchburg. It was also drizzling rain when we were at Walden Pond, which made being outdoors less fun and wreaked havoc on the hair styling. Eighth graders of my day did not believe in using umbrellas (they probably still don’t).

The second part of the school field trip was a visit to Sleepy Hollow Cemetery where the literary greats Louisa May Alcott, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathanial Hawthorne, and Henry David Thoreau are buried. I’ve always thought cemeteries are pretty cool, but that particular day, it started to rain heavily shortly after we got off the bus.  The only thing I remember about the cemetery part of the trip is sprinting back to the bus in the rain. I definitely need a do-over.

Walden Pond
Visitor Center.

For today’s trip to Walden Pond, the wardrobe choice was base layers like I would wear for skiing, snowshoeing, or shoveling, but instead of snow pants, they were topped with ponte fabric pants that are warmer than denim and easier to move in. The sweater choice was a merino wool ski sweater in gray with blue and white stripes and bands of snowflakes. It’s a men’s sweater I found in a thrift shop in New Hampshire and it’s been one of my favorite sweaters for several winters.

It was a peaceful and quiet day for walking in the woods near the pond. An art exhibit in the visitor center included an amazing cut paper piece of owls featuring the tiniest cuts and details done with scissors. I can’t even imagine what type of scissors would allow such tiny, clean cuts, but if history is any indication, I'll be up all night reading about cut paper art.

After the walking, I picked up Mom to go shopping. She needed a foil roasting pan for a turkey for Christmas. I needed plastic forks and some containers with lids for Christmas Eve. We each found what we needed in Ocean State Job Lot, then headed to Wal Mart because we had time. The parking lot there was packed and we left.

The parking lot at the plaza with Aldi and Tractor Supply was less crowded and we went there instead. Tractor Supply is a quirky store and there is always something fun in there. Today’s “oh, wow” items were a giant rooster painted like it was made of gingerbread and tiny versions of arcade games, the game Operation, and a Magic 8 Ball smaller than a ping pong ball. Mom found something for a grab bag gift for an event that Step Dad is attending. I found something for Step Dad. Success!

random thoughts – Day 2,103 (Friday) – rainy day daybed

It poured this morning and washed away all the snow. The trees wildly whipped in the wind. There was a big noise outside, and I thought a tree had fallen in the back yard, but the only thing amiss was the snow shovel blown over on the back door landing. It now has a new home in the space between the landing and the trash bin where it can’t fall and block the door opening. We’ve gone from snow season to mud season, but we’ll be back to snow soon, I’m sure.

The wizard!

The rain inspired some indoor productivity. In today’s big news, after years of sitting in a storage box, the Wizard glass grinder is now atop a work table, surrounded by a cardboard splatter guard box and ready to be worshipped. Or at least, cleaned and oiled (timing still TBD). Fueled by that small success, the boxes marked “glass” and “glass supplies” were opened and explored. The lead came was rewound on the giant spool and will need a lot of straightening and stretching to be used. A box of zinc rails sits in the corner.

I knew I had a lot of glass, but seeing it all today was almost shocking. It seems that I stopped making glass right after receiving a box with probably a hundred bevels in various sizes. There are several containers of scrap glass. There is a milk crate of sheets of glass, tools I no longer recognize, and a stack of patterns. The folder with every invoice for supplies suggests I was either a stellar record keeper or was afraid of a tax audit on my paltry sales (or both).

The daybed is ready.

The activity didn’t stop with the craft room. The daybed in the guest room is now set up with freshly laundered linens. Holes were drilled and curtain rods mounted and I fell in love with the marvel that is my drill in the doing. Curtains were hung. Pillows were laundered and fluffed. I can imagine myself reading on the daybed, but it might have to wait until after Christmas. The curtains are hung, the daybed is ready for guests, but the rest of the room still needs a bit of work.

While checking email and job postings, (instead of lounging on a pillow-filled daybed), I saw a post for a museum that sounded fun. Applying involved customizing the resume, writing a cover letter, and filling out the organization’s online application which included two essay questions and made me feel like I was back in school. It took a couple hours and really made me appreciate the LinkedIn “easy apply” that is on most of the applications I’ve submitted. If the job didn’t sound so cool I would have bailed the minute it had me copying passages from the resume into the application.

Due to poor planning, supper was flatbread crackers and cranberry jalapeno dip with an Allagash North Sky stout beer. Quick, tasty, and delicious. Tomorrow I will eat better (and other lies I tell myself).

random thoughts – Day 2,102 (Thursday) – imaging and baking

A tree in the hospital.

Finally, after months (no lie, from mid-September to now) of dealing with the weird neck thing, the MRI was done this morning. It meant being up at 6:00 a.m. to allow for coffee consumption and then arriving on the hospital campus to check in at 7:10. 

The hospital’s asphalt parking lot was covered in large patches of slick black ice in the area under the solar panels, adding an extra degree of difficulty to the quest of getting inside for the MRI without breaking anything. Inside, the walk from the entrance to the radiology department was quiet. Lit trees provided visual interest and a warm glow along the way. 

Never having had an MRI, all I knew about it was what I had heard anecdotally (no metal anything!) and what was in the patient preparation info provided. The information from the lab said it could be loud and there could be movement. Just like when I was under the drill at the dentist yesterday, I closed my eyes and zoned out. The earplugs and headphones playing classical relaxation music helped a lot with the noise. It was over pretty quickly.

I didn’t realize how anxious I was until the MRI was over and I suddenly and miraculously felt more relaxed. The neck mystery should have answers now, PT is done, and the dental work should be wrapped up in a couple weeks and now I can breathe and focus on other things. If the parking lot hadn’t been covered in ice, I might have skipped to the car. Caution prevailed. Enough things have been broken this year.

Being up so early and then back at the house by 8:00 a.m. made for a long morning. In a nice way. I might try the getting up early thing again. By 10:30 I was ready for lunch and reheated salmon and onions left over from Wednesday’s supper.

The commentary about the imaging arrived in my patient portal a few hours later with findings and “Impression: Minimal subluxations at C4-5 and C5-6; C4-5 moderate right neuroforaminal stenosis; Right perineural neuroforaminal cysts C7-T1 greater than T2-3.” Google came in handy for looking up basically every word and phrase in the findings and impression.

Under “Operation bake a bunch of things v. 2025,” today, brownies (which are not on the original list) were baked with white chocolate chips. Once cooled, they were cut and packed into containers which were crammed into the already full freezer.

Half the kitchen looks like a cyclone hit it. Muffin pans and the ingredients for baking and appetizers have been pulled from the pantry or straight from the grocery bags and have taken over a counter. The delay on making two of the recipes on the list (pecan turtle cookies and Mexican mocha balls) is more strategy and less procrastination because when I make them there is a tendency for me to eat most of them. Self-knowledge is a helpful thing.

Organizational efforts continued in the alleged stained glass and sewing room during the afternoon. It’s been a slow process primarily based on opening, closing, and rearranging the still too many boxes. There are several boxes of glass for stained glass projects that are now in one corner of the room and will need an orderly and convenient work station. There is a box with a spool of lead came and others with bevels, 12-inch square glass sheets, scraps from previous projects, and the glass grinder and tools. It doesn’t help that the three Christmas tubs are temporarily lodged in the sewing room and are in the way. Once repacked with the trees and decorations, those tubs can return to the shed and the stained glass station can be properly set up.

random thoughts – Day 2,101 (Wednesday) – another dental adventure

Where I'm spending time lately.

It was another dental appointment day, the third this month. When I first sat in the chair, the sun was directly in my face, frying my eyeballs. Thank goodness for the window shade and the assistant who adjusted it. The tooth that was “built up” two weeks ago, then drilled a bit last Friday to adjust the bite and stop the reoccurring throbbing, spent two hours under the siege of numbing topicals and needles, pokey tools shoving around the gum tissue due to where the tooth broke at the gumline, and so much drilling. Who doesn’t love the added degree of difficulty? 

The dental office has a scanning tool to which I was introduced today when a wand roughly the size of an immersion blender was squeezed into my mouth. It barely cleared the space between my teeth, and then the thing was rotated. I thought for sure my front teeth would be broken and my jaw would crack wide open. A flip top Pez head would be great for dentist visits.

The chatter over my head during the work involved frequent mention of the word “blood” which caused me to silently freak out a little. There was muffled discussion of needing to remove the blood so things would “adhere.” Now, instead of the temporary blue tooth, I have a tooth-colored temporary crown which the assistant declared was a “space filler” and will be swapped for a more attractive permanent crown in another two weeks.

The cost for the unexpected, unbudgeted dental work equals what I paid for my last vacation, which was a week at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico (with airfare). I would greatly prefer a week’s vacation in a warm climate to a month of dental work. At least the blinding sunshine in the dental chair felt a bit tropical for a few minutes, and it’s the closest thing to a vacation I’ve had this year. By the time I left the office (aka 2025 surrogate vacation spot) the sky was dreary, cloudy, and gray, which matched my mood.

random thoughts – Day 2,100 (Tuesday) – noise and baking and balance

The morning began at 4:50 with a nagging and familiar beeping sound outside the bedroom indicating the battery needed changing in one of the smoke detectors. At 6:45, when I couldn’t take it any longer, I got up and rifled through the inventory of batteries. There were AA , AAA, and button cell batteries, but no 9 volt square ones. Kiki, meanwhile, was huddled under the cedar chest as if trying to hide from the annoying noise.

Aubuchon Hardware opened at 7:30 which was good news. Relief was in sight. New batteries were bought. When the chirping continued after installation, the almighty internet was consulted and  sanity was restored thanks to a YouTube video. I would never in a million years have guessed to press the test button after the battery was removed to clear the residual something or other, then install the fresh battery, but that was the magic trick that was required. Bless you dear helpful YouTube video people.

Holiday sweets production resumed today with two batches of the fan favorite Christmas Crack cranked out. There was a slight blip this morning after the pans were lined with foil and the saltines and other ingredients were pulled from the pantry. After weeks of ignoring the sales on chocolate baking morsels because I thought there were several bags in the pantry, it was learned that I did not have several bags, and in reality I had no bags. There were bags of butterscotch and white chocolate chips, a bar of unsweetened baking chocolate, a block of  white melting chocolate, and bags of sliced almonds, slivered almonds, chopped walnuts, and chopped pecans, but no bags of milk chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips. Another trip out was needed. 

Semi-sweet and milk
chocolate Christmas Crack.

WalMart was visited as the winner of closest store and lowest baking chip prices found online. Of course the shopping extended beyond a few bags of chocolate baking chips and I left the place loaded with more crackers, more butterscotch chips and two cans of chow mein noodles for haystacks, pretzel rods which may or may not be dipped in various things, and pecan halves, and $30 lighter in the bank account.

While punk rock Christmas played from the laptop, two sheets of cracker based candy were prepared, one with saltines, the other using cinnamon sugar graham crackers (experimental!). Somehow, despite me constantly running to the laptop to see if my guesses about the groups singing the songs were correct, nothing was burned and the magical correct amount of time elapsed between removal from the oven and scoring the stuff with the pizza cutter. When it was time to break it all up and store it in containers, it was a breeze. The cookie pans are cleaned and ready for the next project. Pecan turtle cookies? Mexican mocha balls? Another wild card entry? It's anyone’s guess. The recipe wheel of fortune will decide.

Tonight was the last dance class of the year and now it’s free time on Tuesday nights and Sunday mornings until January. The 25 yard skirt and the veil can be hung up for a couple weeks. It was a good year for dance with the two dance groups and several more performances than in recent years. The fun and sparkly times definitely offset the dull and less fun times. It’s all about balance, kiddos. Sometimes literally.

Somehow the calendar in my head has gone a bit sideways and I keep thinking there is another week before Christmas arrives instead of it being next week. Oy. Time to kick this holiday spirit thing into high gear. But first, there is a dental appointment Wednesday morning and an MRI Thursday morning. Then I can get super duper festive and stuff. You know, balance and stuff.

random thoughts – Day 2,099 (Monday) – treats and tv

Will pose for treats.

Kiki spent the morning walking around the house and meowing which had me scurrying around to see if she was okay. I think she thinks she is tricking me into being a treat dispenser because many times her antics result in her being hand fed treats and this morning might have been a test of my training and response times. I don’t think she realizes that the treats are distributed closer and closer to my lap and soon I will have tricked her into being a lap kitty. Who is the mastermind now?

The ongoing cable box issues have hopefully been corrected (fingers crossed!). The tech arrived on time at the early end of the two-hour service window and started with checking diagnostics from his van. When he came inside, the TV was turned on for the first time of the day. Of course, it sprang to life with an image and sound just like it’s supposed to. Luckily, I had the photos from Saturday of the weird green, blue, white on black graphics. The tech mentioned the recent solar flares have been causing widespread unusual problems with reception.

No issues were found outside the house and the cable box and HDMI cable were replaced. Hopefully, the equipment swap out does the trick and I can be spared rebooting the box for a while. So far, the TV has successfully delivered several glitch-free episodes of Next in Fashion, a British fashion design challenge show in the vein of Project Runway. I can’t believe how quickly the designers on these shows sketch designs, choose fabrics, cut, sew, and fit outfits onto models and send them down the runway in one or two days (depending upon the challenge). I love a deadline, but I think I might crack under that type of pressure.

random thoughts – Day 2,098 (Sunday) – snowy bake off

Morning snowy skylight in a popcorn ceiling.

It was snowing at 7:00 when I got up and it snowed all morning and most of the day. It was the official fleece indoor-for-the-day pants and a fleece pullover. The fresh snow on the kitchen skylight looked a lot like the popcorn ceilings throughout the house. I have been imagining ways to change them. Old timey style tin ceiling tiles in the kitchen and laundry room are sounding appealing.

The snail’s progress in hanging the artwork continued. The walls are beginning to talk to me and today, one nail was pounded into a wall and one painting was hung in the living room. This brings the total of art hung in the past few days to five. Five! The place will look inhabited in no time.

The holiday cookie baking commenced. After reviewing all the potential cookie and appetizer recipes for the holidays a wild card not even in the original cut was pulled from the recipe box – oatmeal white chocolate cranberry cookies. I had all the ingredients, they didn’t involve making caramel or melting chocolate, and the recipe claimed to yield 30 to 40 cookies.

There was the creaming of butter and brown sugar which clogged the hand mixer and led to finishing the chore by hand. While “mixing in” the white chocolate chips and the dried cranberries it required the folding technique which conjured the memory of the hilarious scene from Schitt’s Creek when Moira Rose and David are making the alleged family recipe for enchilada which she says like “ahnchalahdas” and they get tot he step to “fold in the cheese” and I laughed in my kitchen while folding in my ingredients (which I learned to do in junior high school cooking class). 

Using the direction to “drop by rounded teaspoon” on to a cookie sheet and using the official measuring spoon teaspoon and not the not universally sized teaspoon used from the flatware set for tea/coffee led to many more cookies than the 30 to 40.

Cookie season has begun.

I usually bake four to six recipes and freeze what I can until it's time to make up plates and pastry boxes. New problems are coming to light. For instance, I donated a lot of plastic storage containers before I moved, and now I need some of those containers to store and freeze the cookies for the next week and a half. It took two containers to store tonight’s output, leaving two containers available for three to five more types of cookies. Oops.

The kitchen has counter space, but it isn’t all fully useful or convenient. Cooling baked goods requires cooling racks, which requires counter space, but the nearby counter was occupied by the bowl of cookie dough. Once the cookies could be moved to containers, those also required space which was hard to find. This is the first big bake since moving in and it’s weird still getting used to the kitchen. Baby steps.

random thoughts – Day 2,097 (Saturday) – a fox, dogs, and graphics

The front yard wildlife sitings had a new entrant today with a sleek fox with an impressive fluffy tail. It passed by the living room bay window and crossed my driveway. I ran to the back door, phone in hand, to keep an eye on it and possibly get a photo. It squatted in Mom’s yard (doing potty?) then headed towards the woods and out of view behind my shed before I could get a photo. I haven’t been this excited by a critter in the hood since seeing the coyote at the bottom of my street a month or two ago.

Mom and I headed to my sister’s house for a farewell visit with my eldest niece and her husband before they fly back to Las Vegas tonight. We drank coffee, ate warm pastries, and talked about all manner of topics. There were work true stories about bad managers, jobs with crappy time off policies, and the trend of sending front line employees to mandatory company training to take on higher level responsibilities without the benefit of higher pay.

From the sounds of it, most at the table had a crappy day yesterday, but the worst day may have gone to the niece and her husband. They were working from home when they heard dogs barking and someone screaming. They ran outside in the cold and rescued a neighbor whose dog was being attacked by two dogs. By the time the three dogs were separated, the neighbor was in the street bleeding, her mail was scattered on the ground, and her dog had wounds to its face, ear, and chest. The unknown owner of the two aggressive dogs walked away without a word or a care. He’s been seen on the street walking the dogs before, but doesn’t live on their street. Another neighbor with medical training appeared, assessed the situation and advised the neighbor needed stitches, then took the neighbor and her dog for medical attention.

Graphics by Comcast.

Once back at home, it was calm and a little more of the same old same old annoyances. The cable box needed to be rebooted for the third time this week and Comcast is getting on my last nerve, but it’s thankfully nothing like witnessing a dog attack. Today’s issue had a new twist and instead of just the plain black screen, there were blocks and stripes in green, blue, and white. As an art piece, it had some graphic interest as the bars and blocks shifted positions as if in a dance. After restarting the box several times and a failed diagnostic with the app, the digital assistant set an appointment for a tech visit on Monday. If it goes like the last appointment, it will be cancelled by Comcast after they figure out the cable is functioning again.

random thoughts – Day 2,096 (Friday) – tooth and won ton

Last Tuesday, one of my teeth broke. Last Wednesday, I was in the dental office having the situation addressed. Ever since, the tooth has been sensitive to heat, which is highly unfortunate with it being winter and me on the preferred hot food and drink meal plan. Every time I ate or drank anything, beginning with morning coffee, the tooth would throb and I would feel cranky and think that I needed to call the dentist office or punch a wall. Once I was finished with the eating or drinking it would stop and I would feel fine, forget to call, and merrily move on with my day.

Yesterday, after a throb-inducing feeding of soup, I called the dental office. This morning, there was a return call from the office with an appointment offered at 10:15. One of my concerns was that the heat sensitivity and gum puffiness might be an infection or something else that could affect the procedure scheduled for next Wednesday and I jumped at the appointment.

The professional opinion was that the current filling was causing a bite issue and pressure on the tooth. I can’t say I agree with that, because it was heat that triggered the pain, and while I like my coffee strong-ish, it’s not like I’m chewing on the grounds. The tooth was drilled a bit to allegedly align the bite more. As I drove away from the office, my tooth felt extra throbby. It continued as I shopped in Hannaford, where I had a coupon for $10 off a $25 order, and then suddenly, it stopped. Just like after drinking hot coffee or tea.

As for the grocery shopping (my new hobby?), it was an unfulfilling search for won ton wrappers, despite a claim online that the store carried them. I checked the produce coolers and the dairy coolers, and took the misguided advice of a store employee who sent me to the Asian foods aisle where there were spring roll and sushi wrappers, but those are most definitely not the right wrappers. Despite the absence of won ton wrappers in my cart, I managed to overshoot the $25 target.

The surprise item in my Hannaford cart was powdered milk. This is a product I detested as a kid. When Mom mixed up the powdered milk, if we were lucky, it was used to stretch the “real” milk, and if we weren’t so lucky, it was the only milk we had. I would choke it down at the supper table, but the taste of us being broke until Dad’s next pay day was basically the flavor of tears and misery. Today, powdered milk signaled the key to baking/cooking freedom. There have been many recipes that were temporarily cast aside due to a lack of milk in the house because I don’t drink it so buying it is usually for a specific meal item.

Won ton wrappers for the win.

As if Hannaford wasn’t enough excitement for one day, later, I went to Wal Mart to continue the search for won ton wrappers. As much as I hate supporting the organization that pays many of its employees poverty-level wages, sometimes I choke the sentiment down, just like I did with the powered milk of my youth. 

Market Basket and Hannaford had already come up empty, but the third time was the charm and the evil empire of Wal Mart delivered. In the produce area cooler next to the tofu and the eggroll wrappers, sat the won ton wrappers. My Christmas Eve menu is saved!

random thoughts – Day 2,095 (Thursday) – therapies

Today’s was the last physical therapy appointment. I filled out my breakup paperwork by circling the current level of discomfort and mobility issues on a list of items (all better!) and then we went through the maintenance exercise program I will need likely forever to manage neck strength and the pinchy issue. There was my last manual cervical traction which I am going to miss immensely. My therapist has magical hands.

From PT, there was a little drive to Athol to visit a church thrift shop with limited operating hours that has been on my radar for a few weeks. As usually happens, and despite my effort to reduce the volume of Christmas ornaments before moving, I ended up buying more ornaments. I also got a very basic black winter weight dress that will be perfect for the social engagements and dates that live only in my imagination with mostly imaginary people. A glass dish, ornaments, and a dress for $6 was certainly a bargain. I asked about what sort of donations they are in need of and the answer was “women’s clothing” so now I know what to do with the stacks of clothing that Mom and I have been compiling.

From the thrift store it was a stop at Market Basket because it had been nearly 24 hours since I last set foot in a grocery store. The quest was Lebanon Sweet Bologna, tube sausage, and won ton wrappers for Christmas Eve appetizers. The won ton wrappers were not found, so that was logged as a fail. It was offset by a level of “overachievement” with addition to the cart of onions, carrots, frozen Korean dumplings, sliced deli cheese, golden raisins, frozen vegetables, and bonus crab rangoons from the prepared food warmer for lunch which became a car snack as soon as I was in the car.

The real highlight of Market Basket was seeing a friend not seen in person for several years as I was looking for the golden raisins I had remembered I needed to make noodle kugel. Yes, we became the ladies chatting in the aisle, but to our credit, we were very mindful and aware of other shoppers and took up as little space as possible, moving as needed. It was a great catch-up and we intend to do it again soon, just not in Market Basket. 

Ornaments from the thrift shop.

The new ornaments were added to the window and the trees. Silver balls on the black tree, dark navy/black balls on the silver tree, and pale blue and pink retro styled trinkets in the window and tree. The ornaments on both trees were shifted and adjusted because once a tree is up, that is what happens until it comes down. The blank spots or similar ornaments that are too clustered don't show up until later. Making the revisions can be relaxing (until it crosses the line and suddenly feels psycho).

It was a therapeutic day on multiple levels.